In the final stages of moving from the deep south to a northern state.
I used to run a shop under a corporation. Long story, but I integrated the shop, and built something beautiful. I had to use a temp service to do a lot of my hiring, I hired lots of black folks because they were undervalued and I could give them a good environment and pay. Was just starting to hire women. COVID and Qanon blew it the fuck up.
Tomorrow I’ll be having lunch with two of my former crew. One of them is the only man I’ve ever called brother. He was my neighbor and best friend for years. I would have trusted him to help me hide a body. The other feller was a kind and gentle guy, had a bad divorce but was a teddy bear, was on the road back up.
They both went down the rabbit hole real bad.
I miss who they were and the shop we had. It was fucking jazz. I protected all of them from corporate. We made shit happen. I fought to get them more money and got fucked over myself.
I’ve lost my parents, my grandfather, my aunts and uncles and cousins to the insanity. Thank jeebus my grandmothers and one grandfather are dead.
Tomorrow I’m going to hug my brother and tell him goodbye. He isn’t really my brother anymore. I don’t trust him. I love him. He’s not the man I knew.
It hurts a lot. It broke my heart.
*Edit
Lunch was good but rough. My son got to see me cry for the first time, afterwards, so I guess that was good.
Then my closest former friend came over this evening. Texted my girl:
“Holy fuck. Joe has some sort of grandpa weed that he he’d be saving. I hit once and I’m all fucked up. They smoked a whole blunt. Then I learned about how taking ivermectin was a good preventative and that Susan is actually a Mayan priestess discovered through astral projection.”
People change and drift away from us. I’ve been there, even lost a marriage to it. I don’t know what prompted your move, but you are also drifting towards people that will be better for you. It’s ok to grieve, but I hope you don’t hide because of the loss of what you had, and instead go out looking for what’s next.
Sorry to hear all that. I can understand the pain. In a similar situation, members of family and one friend got sucked into deep conspiracy theory mindsets and now every conversation is just about that. Consumed and obsessed, it’s like nothing else exists.
And it looks like there’s no slowing down of misinformation cancer. I wonder where we’ll end up.
I’ve come to understand that it’s similar to death. Grieving is a process and comes in waves. The people I knew and loved are gone, even if they’re still walking and talking.
Big wave rolling over me now.
I’m not religious anymore but the terminology is useful. Ultimately, they chose to empty their souls and fill themselves with an ideology of hate and fear.
I tried to help them see that the things they were being told was bullshit. At personal and financial cost to myself, I tried convince them that they were being lied to. Many times. They chose to drink from the firehouse of shit because it was easy.
Ultimately, I did my best to show them the truth as I saw it. They chose not to think.
I have to let go. There is not much else I could do. My logic and passion couldn’t save them. They chose to hollow themselves to receive filth. I feel guilty because of my upbringing but see that is bad religion.
I will always miss them, but they are gone and nothing I can do about it.
I grieve the friends and family I have lost. My girl and I are building a better life for us and the kids.
Yeah, people will make choices and they are free to do so. We can’t control everything, only our own reactions.
Letting go is healthy, holding on and fighting forever isn’t. It’s funny, the wave of division almost feels supernatural in a way, but I put religion down quite some time ago.
Hard to go down new paths sometimes, but great times lie ahead.
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