So when I worked in last 2 roles, I’d joke around and have a laugh with colleagues, the workplace culture of those places I guess was more relaxed, but I got that sense of lack of camaderie or fellowmanship from others too during my time working.
Sorry to be naive, but is it because some people look out for themselves and it’s kind of “Yeah you’re a funny guy but uh… when shit hits the fan I ain’t there with you” kind of shtick.
Not saying these guys are assholes or anything, but I just think with the current world in any work industry it seems to be tricky to make real friendships inside and outside of work.
I don’t know if this just me but I notice that big distinction of the joking around and sharing the same invested topics (I.e. video games) but no more than that
TLDR - Confused if people are being genuine, but they don’t really “care” in a sense?
Please let me know if I’m spouting gobbledygook, thank you.
What you’re saying is a bit gobbledygook. I don’t want to make friends at work. I want to do my job and then clock out when finished.
Yeah but not all people need or want that. I agree with op. Camaraderie makes the job easier.
But you can’t expect it from others who don’t have the same needs.
Isn’t that the whole point of hiring people that fit the company culture? I’ve worked at both types of places in different stages of my life. Both can feel good or bad depending on where you’re at. Don’t try to change the job to fit your needs. Find a different one.
The words “company culture” always make me laugh.
Company culture is the first to go out the window when shit hits the fan.
People being let go for speaking their minds, în the most respectful manner, by a company that “values openness”.
Culture being changed to fit the current corporate needs.
“Company culture” is nothing but corporate 🐂💩.
Don’t drink the corporate kool-aid, kids.
“Not fitting company culture” is just how racists get away with not hiring qualified candidates.
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Not all people want to fake the “office family” dynamic.
I feel like that’s a different thing. “We’re a family” is a forced perversion of actual meaningful relationships with co-workers.
I will concede there is a spectrum of professional familial attitudes.
I do agree though, that the forced family is the worst.
At some point, someone found out that people who get along with their coworkers work better and like their job better. So, some dense HR directors thought, “If we want people to work better, we should force them to be friends!”
Then you get mandatory team-builders that maybe two people enjoy, and the rest are thinking about how they’d rather be spending their time.
Forced family is the worst
But this is literally how family works for the first 20 years of your life. You don’t get to choose one. You are assigned one from birth :D
But they say they are chatting about video games and joking around, what more do you want?
It’s work tho, so it stays there. You have to get on with someone really well to want to see them all day at work and then after as well.
True. Me and a friend of mine used to work together and live together. Then we’d go home after work, get drunk and play video games just to wake up and do it all over. Granted thar was years ago.
I did work with my now wife at one point. But we never actually hung out too much when we were working together because we were management and she would always go hang out with staff which I wouldn’t do
I had a friend who I worked with and then lived together. But we were friends first who happened to share a job.
I met this guy at work. It’s a very long story, but the short and skinny is I was homeless and he and his mom gave me a home. I suppose he’s more like a brother than anything else. They never asked for anything in return. He just wanted to hang out and get into shenanigans. And shenanigans we certainly got into
Not only that but it makes it easier to care about one another, which gives a greater incentive to unionize.
After a few decades of working my default is to avoid making close connections with coworkers outside of work because of the trouble it can cause at work. I don’t want to be at work in the first place, why make more trouble when I can instead just be professional and get along with everyone in the context of the work itself?
You’re only there due to the coercion of capitalism. And employees are direct competitors with each other.
I work in a restaurant and most of us are friends at this point. We drink together, smoke weed together, and generally enjoy each other’s company
Restaurant friendships are smth else 👌👌
You find good friends whenever you happen to be in the same place. Your personalities are compatible, and you like to hang out together. You had to go to some place that is a shared interest, after all, to meet that person in the first place. Like a local bar, or a bowling league, or whatever.
Your workplace can be a source of good friends, but people aren’t there based on shared interests, they are there because someone pays them all to be there. So the chances that you find someone compatible enough to want to spend time outside of work is slim, because you are not there out of any particular shared interest other than your career.
The real problem is that the amount of “third places” (like bars and bowling alleys) are decreasing. People spend so much on their housing that they can’t afford to go somewhere else to socialize, and are much more likely to just stay home and interact with their collected virtual friends online.
And also the fact that so much of our work is remote now. I am fully remote and my “team” is spread out worldwide. My work “socializing” is limited to asking people in Southeast Asia about the weather 5 minutes before the 10 pm (my time) meeting starts.
Lots of conjecture incoming:
I’ve asked myself this same question, and coming from a military background rather than anything more typical, I think it coalesces as something altogether different depending on the situation.
When I was stuck on a ship with hundreds of others, underway two or three weeks out of every month, 6 to 8 month deployments sprinkled in just for fun… Hard not to come out of a situation like that with some lifelong friendships.
On the other hand, in the years when I wasn’t on a ship, almost regardless of the work, even if we were friendly during the day, when the time came to go home it was like cockroaches when the lights come on.
I’ve come to the conclusion all these years later that it was some combination of shared hardship, forced closeness, security in employment, and a core belief that we were all working toward the same goal. We were in it together, and it felt like it.
Social relationships come from everywhere, even work, and while there are many people who worry that friendships at work will distract from… I don’t know… There are still plenty of people out there who want to make the day go by a little faster by working with a friend.
Maybe it just comes down to people not being committed to their work, because why would you be? Sticking your neck out, working extra, helping others, etc. are punished in a lot of different little ways, to the point that the best alternative is just to hop between jobs, staying one step ahead of accidentally giving a fuck.
DoD work (both civilian and active duty) tends to bind people together a lot more than other industries, in no small part due to the factors you mentioned, but also because a) the additional barriers of national security/clearance work make it only really possible to vent about work to coworkers/friends from work, b) the work can often be unique enough that only coworkers have shared experiences to bond over and empathize with, and c) the civilian side of the DoD tends to attract career folks a lot more than it does transitory people. I think a disproportionate amount (when compared to private industry) of civilians who hire into the DoD stay in federal service for their whole careers. And people sticking around their whole careers tend to invest more in personal and professional relationships in the workplace, because networking is how you get opportunities, and you never know who you might owe a favor some day (or who might owe you one).
Spot on. This lack of secure employment (and yes, also probably lack of sense of purpose) also undermines the social relationships necessary to collectively bargain (with a union or not) for better working conditions. When workers don’t feel they have each other’s back, they are less likely to pressure an employer for better pay and conditions.
They’re just there for a paycheck, relax. Just do the job and head home.
Cause your workplace sucks?
The company I work for has a decent professional culture that emphasizes teamwork without any weird gimmicks. But I don’t get paid to make friends with these people. If anything, the people that think they’re there to socialize usually put the work second and make things harder for the rest of the team.
There’s nothing wrong with sharing jokes and having fun at work. As long as you understand that there’s also value in keeping your personal life seperate.
Did you mean Camaraderie?
Yeah sorry lol, Guess the autocorrect didn’t fix it there for me!
In my experience, this varies a lot between work places and departments/teams. I’ve experienced what you describe, and it correlates with shorter em0loyment durations and loads of people “moving through”. People don’t want to bother with forming bonds when they don’t know if the person will be there in a week.
And then there’s the complete opposite: A few coworkers and I have changed employers a few times, but in the same industry, and we’ve always been part of the team “field crew”. While we generally don’t care about the rest of the company and its office personnel, we always had fun when meeting somewhere around the world. While the amount of beer filed on the expenses as “department meeting” is enough to drown a flock of horses, we often do other things together, like museums, shopping, and sight seeing. Hell, we were supposed to go parachuting together once, but timing and weather intervened. The nature of this job makes it hard to maintain “normal” friendships, so we kind of have to rely on each other for that social interaction fix.
Depends on the type of “workplace” really, but generally, the answer is because work is an unstable capitalist mess and you have no confidence as a worker that you’ll have a job tomorrow, regardless of performance.
You see, your list frames a “failing” of workers to connect, while you’re ignoring the larger system in play. Kind of you walking around Nazi Germany saying, “hey, why is everyone such a frowny bummer? Marching is fun. Okay, so which three snacks would you all take to a desert island?”
Read the room, bud.
This is highly dependent on which company/agency you work, and even which dept or team you’re on within a company. I’ve made a ton of very good friends through the years at my jobs, but I’m also not friends with everyone who I worked with, and I recognize there’s a difference between joking around as friends outside of work and being amiable and professional at work
For me it’s much easier to work with people I don’t like if we’re not trying to be friends. It doesn’t matter if I like them or not. Doesn’t matter if I think they are a piece of shit or awesome. We each have skills required to get the job done, and we use them together to do it.
Butts in seats is the most important metric for our middle management. In my gig if we don’t have a full team, job can’t get done. Middle management is incentivised to have butts in seats. So good luck having any say in who is filling those roles.
Combine that with an industry full of toxic work environment. Yeah, I apply my skill set and go home. It keeps the lights on
Doesn’t matter if I think they are a piece of shit or awesome. We each have skills required to get the job done, and we use them together to do it.
I am of the same opinion, but sadly a ton of people have to like you before they will just do their damn job. Bunch of petty assholes.
My work team is very close. It’s the reason we all stay. We range from 1 to 34 years and people only leave if they’re retiring or moving for a spouse job. Our office is shelter from the shit going on in the rest of the district. That said, it’s beginning to penetrate and, after 16 years, i may be the first one to just walk.
You all should have a better reason to stay
We love our work. Having a vey close, supportive team makes us able to tolerate the shit that rains down from above sometimes.
