Today’s agenda? You really wanna know, you nosy little shit? Fine, I’ll tell you, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

First things first, I’m gonna wake up and take a massive dump, because that’s how I start every motherfuckin’ day. Then, I’m gonna stuff my face with a shitload of ravioli, because breakfast of champions and all that bullshit.

After that, I’ve got some important governor shit to take care of. You know, runnin’ the country, makin’ decisions that affect millions of lives, the usual. But I can’t tell you the specifics, because it’s all top secret and above your pay grade, you fuckin’ peasant.

Then, I’m gonna spend some quality time with my best buddy, Steven Seagal. We’ll probably shoot the shit, talk about how much we hate liberals, and maybe even practice some of our sweet karate moves. Don’t be jealous, you couldn’t handle hangin’ with us cool kids.

Later on, I might grace the public with my presence, you know, make an appearance or two. Sign some autographs, kiss some babies, the usual celebrity governor bullshit. But don’t expect me to stick around too long, because I’ve got better things to do than mingle with the unwashed masses.

And finally, to cap off the night, I’ll probably indulge in my favorite pastime: arguin’ with dumbass liberals online. Nothin’ gets my blood pumpin’ like verbally destroyin’ some snowflake who thinks they know better than the almighty Governor Chris Motherfuckin’ Christopher Christie.

So there you have it, you nosy little fuck. That’s my agenda for today. Don’t go spreadin’ it around though, because I don’t need every Tom, Dick, and Harry tryin’ to get a piece of me. Now fuck off and let me get on with my day.