::: Cw suicide
I’ve known since I was 14 I was trans, ended up just having to suffer till I was 20, finally started estrogen, but ever since than it’s just be disgust and disappointment, I realize my body is just gross and repulsive regardless, like my genetics are just cursed. On top of that I have to same usual dead end job, I’m consider the goofy, unattractive person in every single group. I hate it. Outside of people who feel bad for me everyone avoids me cause I’m socially awkward. On top of not even being able to afford my bills I’ve never had an actual relationship. I’m an ugly degenerate loser by every single metric. I think at 23 my best bet is to pull out my credit card, do some research into a common pistol and its uses, walk into an academy, an tell them which gun I want and for common use etc, than go that parking lot I picked outside of town and pull the trigger. I picked it specifically cause it’s empty, no one but first responders will find me. I just feel so horrible but I’ve been in pain so long I honestly feel :::
Why do you “realize” this as if this is a cemented fact that no one can dispute? Your appearance is unique and while you may not have met someone who has liked it yet (more likely, someone was open enough to admit it to you), there is inevitably someone out there who will. Everyone has different preferences and tastes.
I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve found the person called “hottest person of the year” flat out unattractive to my personal tastes. Meanwhile, as a straight guy, I have had crushes on that girl at school that no one thought much of, because I thought she genuinely was cute and because she is a nice, pleasant person to be around. Most of the time I was too scared to speak up and admit how I felt about her because I didn’t know what she thought of me.
While you may not have had anyone admit it to you, just like how you have walked by someone and thought they were attractive but didn’t say anything or how you’ve held a crush on someone but never said anything to them, do you not think the same has been done to you as well? Do you not realize that it is statistically impossible that this has never happened to you?
Regardless, your worth as a human being should not come from a place of how others view you and think of you. Your value should come from what you think of yourself and meaningful things like how you treat others.
I’m willing to bet that you are a caring person and you feel empathy for others. Many people who have these thoughts that you do are these types of people. They care and love others, even more than they do themselves. And I think it’s in part because of this feeling they have for themselves, not wishing anyone else to feel the way they do deep down inside.
That is what makes you a beautiful person, through and through. The physical appearances will fade with time but your personality is what resonates most with people. The people from your past who think of you to this day remember you for who you were as a person, not because of how you looked on the outside.