Historical letter between two women: Spread your legs so I can eat your muffin

Historians: Here we have a letter that serves as evidence that women would often practice baking pastries to each other and would straddle on their chairs at the time of eating them in order to avoid soiling their garments so that they could make themselves more desirable to the opposite sex. Now let me tell you about the army general who had a very dear friend who was so good at raising chickens that he regularly sent letters to, voicing his desire to devour his poultry.