Hello, I(31M) guess I will begin from the start of this relationship. I became friends with Kay(24F) who is a is an ENM relationship with Jon(24M). Kay and I really hit it off and began being intimate. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. While Kay and I were chilling Jon came home and was so upset he could barely contain himself. Kay’s demeanor changed as well. I just ignored it. The next time I was going to chill with Kay, she couldn’t because Jon needed to “apparently process something”. A week later I met up with Kay and she said she was overwhelmed and couldn’t hang out as often. I just took it at face value. I haven’t seen her since. She continues to text me, and insists she wants to see me. I am definitely confused, but should I be worried?
How long have they been ethically non-monogamous? Have they done the work to be ready to do it? I go to polyamory meetups and this isn’t unusual for couples who have recently changed the type of relationship they had and didn’t do much, if any, of the prep work. There is a lifetime of monogamy centric, or exclusive, experiences and media consumption that can be hard to let go of for some people.
Whether it’s jealousy or insecurity or something totally unrelated to your and Kay’s relationship, it’ll be up to you to communicate your own needs, concerns, or anything else and decide whether or not you want to continue, change, or end the relationship based on those discussions.
I’m crossing my fingers for you that he’s not an “ENM for me but not for thee” kind of person. If he is, then Kay will also have to decide if the relationship with Jon is something she wants. That, too, isn’t unusual in new ENM couples.