Edit: to clarify what I’ve noticed is a point of contention, by “break-up” I don’t mean I believe we’re together, or expecting this to follow romantic relational patterns, or anything of the sort, I was referring to a general concept of “this is over,” meaning any level of interaction. Nor am I waiting for a confirmation of anything developing from her. I genuinely just wanted to get closure and confirm the ghost.
Me again… and, yes, this is a continuation of this and this.
TL;DR: first crush and best friend in high-school reached out after 20 years of not talking, I fell in love with her again, she gave me mixed messages when I tried backing off, and then everything turned ugly when she thought I was pressuring her into defining a relationship by asking her once if she still wanted to chat. Had a brief argument around reading comprehension and semantics, then she vanished mid-conversation for two weeks.
Now that we’re caught up, I sent her a text on Saturday, trying to tie up all loose ends. Basically, I wanted to confirm the ghost, see if she really just decided to not deal with this, or if something else happened. Sent her the message, waited for about 6-7 hours, then sent a “Hint taken, have a good’un” (not verbatim).
She then replied saying she started having side-effects from recent medication and felt she didn’t have the mental space to handle more than one thing at a time. She concluded with “but I did not mean it to end in silence.” Didn’t probe any further, told her to drop a line when she feels like it, that there’s no pressure now as there was none before.
After sleeping on it for the rest of the weekend, I now feel like I’m just waiting for a “break-up” text. In which case, I’d honestly just rather end it now and spare myself the indeterminate amount of time I’ll have to spend in expectation of her message, but i don’t want to do anything rash because I know I’m not even close to thinking straight now.
I, again, ask and thank you for any insight. I wish this’d just end already, I swear, I feel that I just need a clear conclusion right now…
I honestly feel like this hole has been dug for way too long at this point, I’m unsure as how to even approach it.
I know it’s up to me to give myself closure and reach peace of mind, but at the same time, I genuinely don’t want to cause any more disruption in her life.
I’ve been thinking about sending another goodbye letter, but it feels weird being the third. Same with just blocking her everywhere and simply moving on, that just feels disrespectful. Besides this, there’s also the fact that she technically has the ball now, and has had it for over two weeks in which she’s said nothing, and that now serves as the basis for further discomfort now that I’m, again, waiting for her input for god knows how long…
I genuinely don’t even understand why there’s still a dialogue between us, either my end or hers. Well, in the sense that she did reply to the one message I sent her after radio silence. It’s just a confusing mess…