I’m unsure about the asshole part, but the biggest issue with me and friends is I’m not good at interacting. My mind draws an indecisive blank at open questions, even ones as simple as “how are you”. People don’t like feeling like they’re talking to a wall, so no friendships form. I am not neurotypical, this is hardwired into me and cannot be trained (unless you don’t mind me blurting out completely irrelevant topic matter as a form of conversation, which makes a conversation like a bundle of bricks without an adhesive makes a fort). The only reason I fare good when communicating long distance is because it’s not a live conversation and you can meditate on how you want to respond as you do. What I need is someone I can be silent with, and that’s just not something that exists, or so people would make me think.
The problem arises when people say “[random thing] will help you make friends” as if it’s about finding people. I’m surrounded by people everyday, and I’m not an introvert. That was never an issue. But it almost comes off as they’re using it as a gimmick, as it’s something people say of everything, whether college, jobs, the military, volunteer work, literally anything that one could argue they want to lure people into doing.
I might understand developing this when it comes to a stressful job, but how could that be applied to general conversation, which has a broader track range?
i met a bunch of folks going to school that I’d never have met if I didnt go (different social circles). still chat with a lot of them 25+ years later.
It’s not that there aren’t unique people to meet there, I know there are, but if the problem is not introversion but rather interactive mental skill, throwing new people at the problem won’t fix it. Every time someone says they haven’t been able to make friends, people of the previous generation almost seem fixated on suggesting it’s all that person’s fault.
Speaking of college/jobs, they told me that going to them would help me make more friends.
They DO help a little, but you still have to do your part and not be an insufferable asshole.
May or may not be your situation. I don’t know.
But I do know plenty of people that need to learn that.
I’m unsure about the asshole part, but the biggest issue with me and friends is I’m not good at interacting. My mind draws an indecisive blank at open questions, even ones as simple as “how are you”. People don’t like feeling like they’re talking to a wall, so no friendships form. I am not neurotypical, this is hardwired into me and cannot be trained (unless you don’t mind me blurting out completely irrelevant topic matter as a form of conversation, which makes a conversation like a bundle of bricks without an adhesive makes a fort). The only reason I fare good when communicating long distance is because it’s not a live conversation and you can meditate on how you want to respond as you do. What I need is someone I can be silent with, and that’s just not something that exists, or so people would make me think.
The problem arises when people say “[random thing] will help you make friends” as if it’s about finding people. I’m surrounded by people everyday, and I’m not an introvert. That was never an issue. But it almost comes off as they’re using it as a gimmick, as it’s something people say of everything, whether college, jobs, the military, volunteer work, literally anything that one could argue they want to lure people into doing.
My response was mostly a joke, but now that you mention it, I relate with you more than you might expect.
Years in retail and sales helped me develop my “work face” which includes a list of go-to responses for the random bullshit people say every day.
I might understand developing this when it comes to a stressful job, but how could that be applied to general conversation, which has a broader track range?
i met a bunch of folks going to school that I’d never have met if I didnt go (different social circles). still chat with a lot of them 25+ years later.
It’s not that there aren’t unique people to meet there, I know there are, but if the problem is not introversion but rather interactive mental skill, throwing new people at the problem won’t fix it. Every time someone says they haven’t been able to make friends, people of the previous generation almost seem fixated on suggesting it’s all that person’s fault.