This might be a regional difference, but when I say it out loud, ‘tryna not kill myself’ is by far the more natural construction. But I agree that in writing, ‘trying not to kill myself’ feels more natural, while ‘trying to not kill myself’ feels stilted and intentionally awkward. Man I love language.
Totally. I forgot all about expanded tryna, as I almost never hear it outside of television. You may be on to something there.