Creatures of the world experience the next extinction-level event after two enormous arm-shaped protrusions in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean come crashing down, causing tsunamis of unimaginable size and ferocity. They take solace in knowing that their home planet is a “bro.”

I bought a 2020 Honda Accord, and I have absolutely zero (meaningful) complaints.

Things I like about it so much that they are requirements for future car purchases:

• Adaptive cruise control
• Brake-holding
• Tactile inputs for media, cruise control, or climate control (almost wasn’t going to mention this, but new cars are shifting away from this, which I can’t stand)
• A respectably-snappy infotainment system that supports CarPlay

Little things:

• Adaptive cruise control is always ready to be set, so I can just head out and immediately start using it (I’m one of those people who likes to use cruise control at every possible opportunity)
• Comfortably seats 4, if I ever need it to
• It just looks nice, inside and out, in my opinion