Stop feeding the troll

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The name is familiar but I’m drawing blank. I wanna say that’s a Hitchhikers Guide character, I think I could be mistaken.

I read this to my spouse and their response was pointing at the door and saying “get out”

This is the only appropriate response to a dad joke

Dudes gonna come back with a trail of various shoe prints along the hood, roof, and back.

Evolution was a scam all along to make future chiropractors more money! /s

You can’t lose weight, but that’s okay because the lack of appetite balances that out! (A common side effect my antidepressants have)

Now we know why they allowed animal abusers to join. You don’t have to worry about being ratted out if your lover is a literal rat. You don’t have to worry if your lover is a metaphorical snake if it’s a literal one. You don’t have to worry about being hounded for information if your lover is a literal hound.

The first few books of the old testament are just bad fanfiction based off the Epic of Gilgamesh

The book of Job is about Adonaiyahwehjehovahbob bragging about torturing an innocent man.

And I’m sure a lot of the other old testament books (both protestant and catholic) are just as problematic.

I often put a cube in the water dish for my cats, and my pet lesbian is the one who watches it unmoving until it melts

“You changed”

“Yeah, I finally did laundry”

Rereading the first few words reminded me of “take my gallbladder free of charge”

At this point the organic brains are just decorative. And so folks can keep making the “second thoughts” joke

Nonononono

Somehow find a way to fit another brain in my skull alongside my current one, then use that joke

POV: my linen closet

Take my stomach and bladder too while you’re at it. Leave the brain, but only power it enough to keep it alive. If people ask why, just make up some funny reason.

Nothing dull about putting mother nature first

If those were my two options, I’d gather up the execution rocks myself

Exact same question I had