I’ve been in a relationship for a bit more than a year, everything doing quite well so far, looking forward to advice to how to make it last.
We are already planning to a have a “date night” every two weeks to get away from the daily routine.
I have a few things I’ve learned over the years.
You don’t have to agree with something for it to be true. As everyone else has been saying in this thread, communication is key. There will come a time when your partner gives you some feedback that you don’t agree with. That doesn’t mean their feelings on the matter are untrue. They may be “wrong” but arguing over their interpretation of your actions isn’t productive. Acknowledge their feelings, and accept the feedback for what it is, an attempt to communicate and problem solve.
Also, don’t go to bed angry. You don’t have to solve every argument before sleep, but at the very least, acknowledge the issue is unresolved, and it should be deferred to the following day. Staying up late arguing is counterproductive, and leads to a shit day the next day.
This one may be a touchy subject for some, but IMO, having some level of joint finances can really smooth out the operation. At a certain point, you are not two people, but a single entity. I have met many people who have no idea about their partner’s finances. I’ve listened to co-workers complain about their bills getting paid and certain bills being “my bill” or “their bill”. The power company doesn’t care who pays the bill, it just needs to get paid. Having some weird power dynamic or line in the sand over money always leads to resentment, and just seems unnecessary. You’re in it together, makes sense to act like it.
From very early in our relationship, my wife and I had a joint bank account, where we pooled money to pay all the monthly bills. Originally, we came to an arrangement where we each agreed to put X amount every month from our personal accounts to cover all the monthly expenses. Over time, we ultimately combined accounts, our income goes into the joint account, and bills are automatically taken out. As a family, X comes in and Y goes. It’s not relevant who makes more or less.
I would say knowing what to expect, and relaying what your partner can expect when one of you is upset. Been married 7 years, and my wife and I just had the conversation (mainly due to my becoming more self aware of my feelings) that I need to leave a situation that triggers my anger. She thought I was fucking off to Narnia for the longest time. Nope. Need to go away so I don’t throttle someone.
Communication is, IMO, the most important for a meaningful relationship. I suggest reading the book “Non violent communication” by Marshal.
