When I was a 19 year old student and regrettably a virgin, I went to one of the clubs in the posh part of Edinburgh with a university society. While there I found one of the other members was hungry like the wolf. She was very into everything I was doing (heavy petting not exactly suitable for the club) and by the time we were thrown out for being too drunk, she was dripping and I was harder than a turnbuckle. It was so on, tonight I was going to loose my virginity.

On the way back to… I assume her place, she had me finger her in a bus stop and dragged me into princes street gardens. She whispered “do you have anything?” In a breathy, yearning voice. … … And my autistic ass thought she was talking about condoms, because obviously she didn’t want me to bareback her in a park, right? Wrong! And it was only years later that I figured out that my response of “I have condoms back at my flat” was what turned her instantly cold.

Tldr: I missed out on what could have been the best nasty of my life because I admitted to having an STD that I had no way of catching!