I typically don’t care about things like hairstyle, makeup or clothes. But my wife has started giving herself a buzz cut and I simply hate it. I told her and she grew it out for a while, but she said longer hair was making her depressed and it needed to be a buzz cut. She said it just looks like her when she sees it. Part of me thinks that’s gender euphoria and she’s just around the corner from realising that she’s trans. I would not be comfortable continuing the relationship in that case. (She has said she feels a-gender but not male).
I’ve tried to tolerate it, but I dislike looking at her now and it’s contributing to me being depressed now. I don’t want these feelings every time I look at my wife.
We’ve generally had a good relationship over about one and a half decades, with two young children. We’re also codependent and own a house together.
It would make things difficult if we separate. I really don’t want to separate just because of a haircut, but I’ve definitely been thinking about it. I just don’t know what to do.
I’d say drop it and accept your wife how she likes to be. It’s not “nothing” but it’s just outer appearance and ultimately she has to walk around with her body and be comfortable with her looks.
You two should talk. Respect each other and find something that works for the both of you. Focus on how you and her feel and what your wants and needs are. In doubt she gets to decide on her own haircut. But try to find out why it’s bothering you and her so much.
Edit: And I’d agree on the couples therapy someone mentioned. This isn’t a healthy situation to be in. You probably need to put in some effort if you want to keep her. Learn how to accept each other and grow past this. I’m not saying you’re at fault or the one needing to change. But the underlying issue could drive you apart if it keeps growing.