I’ve known Jack for a couple of years. He’s kind of a loner but we always got along as we both have some geeky interests. We’re both introverts but I’m somewhat more social.

My girlfriend is also an introvert and when I introduced them, years ago, it was awkward at first but they got along pretty well. We hang out occasionally the three of us.

Mostly we talk in a Facebook group, and I talk to him in private messages. A few times, when he went through a family problem, I knew (from my girlfriend) that he vented to her in a private messages. She was happy to help but felt the need to tell me and I was OK with it.

When we do something at my house, I always invite him but he always refuses. The few times he aquiesced was because my girlfriend convinced him. Sometimes he disables all his social media and we loose all contact.

The latest one has been going for a while. I tried to call him multiple times but he never answers. When my girlfriend messages him he answers immediately. We actually tested that when we were together.

Lately he’s been sending her messages trying to chit chat and being somewhat insistent. She felt it was very weird, specially after her seeing he never answer my calls. This latest time she actually confronted him about it and point blank asked him if he was mad at me and that it was all very weird.

You know what I’m thinking…but I’d like to know your perspective.

  • almar_quigley@lemmy.worldEnglish
    5·
    4 months ago

    One suggestion I have to add on to a lot of really good stuff I hear is to communicate any boundaries in a group setting with your gf. Chat or otherwise. This way he knows both of you are on the same page and he doesn’t try to take an opportunity to appeal to her directly. At least it might lower that risk. It also helps maintain both you and your gf’s agency in this.

    If it’s only you he could be emboldened thinking you’re being controlling of her and he starts trying even more of the “nice guy” thing.

    • spirinolas@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      3·
      4 months ago

      That’s not a problem at all. I absolutely trust my girlfriend and she is always very open with me. And I trust her judgement.

      • almar_quigley@lemmy.worldEnglish
        6·
        4 months ago

        For sure, I’m not questioning y’all’s relationship, more just something to help avoid additional annoyance/issues with the individual for yall.