One thing that people didn’t mention yet: this is the behavior that made him (stay) a billionaire. You don’t get to be one by being nice and non-exploitative.

What to do with it is to act understanding and empathetic with people like that instead of standoffish and hostile. You still insist on the better way of doing things, but there’s no actual need to attack anyone that doesn’t support the better way of doing things, even if their reasons aren’t rational or even morally questionable/bad. It only serves to further entrench them in their positions, while the opposite might have a chance to happen in a more cooperative approach.

Funny how you made exactly the comment the article predicted within itself xD

First thing in any relationship: your own happiness. You’re young, so you probably still have indoctrinated love ideas a la Disney, eternal love, total self sacrifice and all that bullshit. It’s feel-good nonsense.

I repeat: the absolute first priority in any relationship is your own happiness. Does it help anybody that she has chronic pain and is unhappy, and now you’re unhappy too? Obviously not, it would be, from a total utilitarian perspective, a much better situation if she was unhappy and you were happy. Total happiness would have increased.

What this means is: you can only support her as much as you are comfortable with it. Like seriously, what is the alternative? Like you say right now, that you’re so emotionally drained that the relationship ends? Then the situation would be even worse: she wouldn’t get any support at all anymore. What’s better, the little support you can give without sacrificing your own happiness, or no support? Obviously the little support.

Now if that is “enough” for her, that is for her to decide. She might decide that she wants a partner that can support her more. Obviously it’s a huge gamble, there aren’t many people who can deal with a lot of negativity all the time.

Of course, the initial rant about Disney love comes from somewhere. Your thought of being so self-sacrificingly supporting was instilled in you from somewhere. Likely you and people around you think that it’s the “good” thing to do. They would be wrong, but that won’t stop them from giving you shit probably in the way of “oh how could you be so evil and stop supporting your poor poor girlfriend”. This is, in my opinion, abuse. Yes, she has it harder. Is thus your happiness unimportant? Obviously not. But it may be laid out as if it were.

In summary: listen to yourself. Focus on your own happiness. Do only as much as you can. Explain to her why. Tell her everything you think, everything you feel. If she loves you, she won’t want to pull you down with her. And the funny, ironic, unintuitive thing will be, once you focus on yourself and are more happy you will also again be able to support her much better. Take your rest, take a break, don’t support her when it pulls you down. Be assertive about your own needs, even if she has it worse.

The times I went there with differing opinions I never got insulted. They think their views are right and (sometimes) mine wrong. They also shared their reasons and tried in their way to educate me. They have their own culture over there that is more rude/direct than normal, but it’s certainly possible to speak normally to them.

I think all people deserve respect by default. Only through someone’s actions may the respect for them be rescinded. Calling a whole bunch of people something is just almost never correct and only furthers any already existing divide.

You can do these things while talking face-to-face with somebody.

Calling a whole bunch of different people with different opinions than you, that you don’t all know, “insane”, seems to me like you feel you are smarter/better than them.

They’re not insane, they’re just victims of tribal thinking like the rest of us. Very narrow worldview reinforced by the others around them, bashing outsiders, thinking “they” are smarter than everyone else. Mostly, they see themselves as good and everyone else as bad, which isn’t very unique among humans either. I don’t think hexbear is worse than anywhere else.

You’re doing the same right now probably.

It is mainly about morals in the age of contraception. Of course the definition of what incest is is not, which is what you probably meant… Ignore me

If you’re autistic: social settings have a plethora of unwritten rules that you have to follow to not seem weird to non-autistic people. Without knowing exactly why anyone would be badmouthing you, it’s likely that you already violated dozens of them without knowing it.

It’s possible to learn it though, I did it through reading about it and carefully observing soap operas scene-by-scene, watching every movement they make, every way they express themselves, guessing the purpose and seeing the effects.

The quickest way to learn is by having someone with the necessary skills observe you and giving you pointers, but this is hard to do apparently since you have no one you can trust?

I could help, but to help you, one really needs much more and much more specific information about your situation.

https://community.torproject.org/onion-services/setup/

I.e. you either need your own server or a provider that supports Tor. Don’t think GitHub supports it.

You simply follow the steps for both. But when it says in the steps to set up a webserver, instead of using 2 different webservers, you use 1.

I mean the specifics like who you hate, in what way, is learned, but the hate itself is basic. You can’t tell me hate isn’t one of the most basic human emotions.

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Short answer: it’s basic human nature if you don’t specifically work against it. Many people work against it, but not everyone. The ones that do not work against it mostly don’t because the environment they grew up in doesn’t do this, so they never started working against it. Later in life it’s difficult to change and admit you were wrong.

The only thing therapy is supposed to do is allow you to be happy/content with your decisions. It doesn’t suddenly make you stop caring about your wife or your daughter. It should allow you to find the best decisions. You’re still your own person with your own decisions and nothing will take that from you.

If you don’t want to end the marriage, then therapy will never mean you’ll suddenly want to end your marriage. There is absolutely 0 reason to be afraid of therapy for this reason, in fact, it’s incredibly irrational and counterproductive.

Also, the question is what’s “wrecking” your child more, an absolutely unhappy marriage and having two unhappy parents? Or having two happy parents that aren’t married? It’s not a clear answer imo. Anyway, after therapy you guys may be two happily married people again, best of both worlds, who knows

I’m pretty sure you’re responding seriously to satire :)

I guess it depends on how much trouble you have with too much anger. Very often, anger is counterproductive, not only for yourself, but for actually effecting the change in others you desire.

In that case, it’s often good to “overcorrect” and rather try to feel less anger than appropriate, so that your troubles get reduced.

However, I still think it’s an overreaction and an appropriate amount of anger at the appropriate things is healthy, as in the end it’s actually a conflict within yourself to have less anger than appropriate - you’re forcing yourself to spend more energy suppressing/letting go of the anger, and then having less energy to effect the change you desire.

I’m pretty much the same way. You gotta remember though that anger is not a negative emotion. An irrational amount of an emotion is a negative emotion.

An emotion is just a driving force of your behavior. “Angry” is mostly there for us to take action about unacceptable situations. Thus getting angry at the weather doesn’t make sense, since you can’t change it.

However, someone littering is in a limited way under your control. Like you said in another comment, you can confront them and use your power for them to pick up after themselves. Saying you’re not getting angry/irritated at all is the equivalent of not doing anything about it to most people. And I do think you’re at least getting irritated (which is a low form of anger) at people littering, which is why you do something about it or post this topic.

It seems to me a bit that you see any kind of anger, including being irritated, as bad, and thus show no sign of it/deny it even though you have it.

But this isn’t @andrewta@lemmy.world