I want to be able to talk to animals. In Spanish too so the racists get REALLY bent. And I will totally tell them that the animals speak the language of God and English is how God finds heretics, like Mormons or Anglicans.

Japan looks more and more like a death cult focused on staying busy as they die

Kim better watch out

He’s ordered a fully equipped makeup studio installed in the Pentagon. If a dressing room is not the sign of an entertainer, what is?

Or the lack of response

The LA natural history museum is my happy place. Watching them water the roof from across the street is a nerve wracking experience.

Especially given the shooter printed parts of the weapon and had no cellphone on them when they shot Brian McEvilCEO or whatever his name was. And then hopped on a scooter and left the island without a trace. So much planning went into the prep and, ahem, execution of the plan that holding into blatant evidence like a signed confession 2 days after the fact doesn’t make any sense. It screams planted evidence on a person who vaguely looked like the only screenshot I’ve ever seen of the ahooter smiling.

At the very least I have very reasonable doubts and would not be selected for the jury.

That thumbnail gave everything promised. A man in a cabbage coat gleefully harvested his cabbage. Love it. Wish there was more simple joy like this in the world.

At least this software grounded planes before take off. Boeing grounded planes in the air.

Greg Abbott has never been about state rights. He’s a contrarian for the sake of being “different”. Broken dip shit has no idea how to be a decent person anymore.

Love the idea that a third string QB in the XFL is worth $5 AUD. Still overvalued.

Pairs excellently with Allegra chicken

It’s a massive cooking holiday in America and I get as excited as Bob Belcher to cook a multi course meal so I’m firmly at 3.

When X rolled out a new feature revealing the locations of popular accounts, the company was acting to boost transparency and clamp down on disinformation.

Well, it worked. And worked so well it needed to be turned off within hours. The fallout is what happens when the MAGA meets transparency, like baking soda and vinegar.

The difference between Advil and Aleve is experience.

1 Day Blinding Stew is a great album name

If you haven’t found happiness by now, do you know what you’re looking for?

Bari Weiss wants to run CBS with pedophiles?

With the right director he could use method acting. “You control a vast business empire that renders you immune to consequences and connects you to every imaginable influential person in the world. You see that guy in the bright colors? He’s the ultimate immigrant who only exists to bring woke values.”

He’s got friends in every town and village from here to the Sudan, he speaks a dozen languages, knows every local custom, he’ll blend in, disappear, you’ll never see him again.