They want my wife and children dead. If they are near my family, they pose an existential threat. I will leave saving the proverbial souls of neo Nazis to others. I am interested in establishing that my family is off limits and dangerous for them to so much as look at.

Would I throw a punch at a confirmed Nazi? Without hesitation.

Some people learn to shed the racism from their heart and become better people. Some will only get so far as keeping quiet because they are afraid. There will always be severely racist people. It is just as important that they feel unequivocally unwelcome as it is to change those who will change.

You know what? It’s been pretty good.

I am recovering well from rotator cuff surgery with much more range of motion at this point than typical. My youngest had a hard start of the week at school but has turned it around. My oldest ran in his first cross country meet - he came in dead last, and though he is extremely disappointed he has no intentions of quitting. He and I grabbed burgers and an appetizer sampler at the local pub to boost his spirits, and it was more like hanging out with a younger friend than with my kid. Tonight is a date night with my wife, which means we will get high and order takeout once the kids are in bed.

We have plenty of hard times, but this is a good week.

I care very much. Please read everything I wrote. The system is broken, and we need to fix it. In the meantime, since we must live within the broken system, it is wise to do a thorough cost/benefit analysis before accepting any job. Not everyone can do that, but some can.

We play pretty conservative baseball when it comes to personal finances. We have a smaller house further from the city than my wife’s peers at work. We buy cars that meet our needs, but our wants are frequently compromised in search of the lowest total cost of ownership. We make no major purchases without real research first. Our kids have not been to Disney, but they will hopefully be able to go to the college of their choice without a mountain of debt when the time comes.

We are very lucky, but most people that merch our income are not actually in as stable a place as we are. That stability comes from good decisions.

That is a good point. We are not paying monthly premiums. Again, over the years we have chosen our employers very carefully. To be clear, we are lucky to have been in the place to do so.

That said, we also did very well when I was a public high school teacher. The pay was awful, but the health insurance we had was better than my wife could get at most corporate jobs at the time. We now use my wife’s corporate benefits because my family’s needs have placed me as a stay-at-home dad for several years. Once she got in with a company that actually values its employees, we made the decision to stick it out.

I live in the US and was born here. This is true of my wife as well.

I hate to say it because I know how bad many people have it here, but our health care experiences have been excellent. IVF? We paid a few grand by the end of everything, but that’s it - most of the cost was one hormone in particular. My cancer that almost killed me? We paid $15 co-pays for doctor appointments and physical therapy appointments, nothing for any treatments (radiation, chemo, surgeries, hydration, etc.), and about $15 co-pays for each prescription medication. My upcoming rotator cuff surgery? I’ll pay similar to the cancer. Regular in-home therapy services for our children with special needs? Free.

This was not by accident or dumb luck. My wife and I have always chosen jobs in large part based on benefits in general and health insurance in particular. We may not make as much money on paper as job hoppers and those who chase the highest number on their paychecks. Do you know what we do have? No medical debt. Great parental leave. More vacation time than most. A legal plan that paid to set us up with every estate planning and life management document one could need.

So it’s hard. Our system is fucking broken - too many people cannot get the care they need, or they go into debt to get it. It needs to be fixed. That said, I also have friends who just made shitty choices. They actively chose direct income over benefits. They gambled and some of them lost.

We need to fix US healthcare in or much every way. In the meantime? My wife and I choose to play the game by the rules as they are currently written, and we play with intent to win.

Before the election we will be preparing bugout bags for my nuclear family and establishing concrete plans to flee.

After the election, if Trump wins we will monitor and be ready. At the first sign of trouble we get out of dodge. I have the ability to get EU citizenship for my family if need be. In the meantime, my wife and I have skills that can get us the privilege to move into some countries based on their employment needs.

My family and I would have reasons to be targeted by white nationalists if they felt empowered. I have received semi-threatening letters from such people in the past.

I hate that we have to think this way, but we do.

Each kid and wifey could have individual Daddy/hubby attention at the same time. My yard and home would look immaculate because my ADHD task burnout could be overcome by calling in a new helper.

I could probably make bank and help improve the lot of humanity by allowing my duplicates to go through controlled medical and scientific testing.

At some point one of me would figure out how to leverage this ability for the absolute betterment of humankind. That would probably become a driving mission for the collective me at that point.

Generally, no, but it did last night. We had moved into a new house, and we were trying to tell Uber Eats which train station we were closest to so our delivery person could get off at that station before driving to our house.

We do not love near a train station. It was weird as dreams tend to be.

Yeah, it is. The injections suck, and the hormone shifts are awful. One of my friends is a general practitioner in the Navy, and every time he prescribes any fertility hormone, he also gives a referral for couples counseling. “I know you believe you won’t need it, and you might be right, but in my experience by the time you realize you need it, you need it RIGHT NOW.” The IVF hormones are around then the ones he can prescribe, and it was a wild ride.

Of course I don’t know your SIL, but please extend my best to her and her family at some point. As one stranger on the Internet who knows roughly the path she walked, I am very happy it went well for her in the end.

Also, real talk, you sound like a great in-law to her for being so aware of everything. Kudos to you.

We happened to live in the U.S. state with the best reproductive rights laws and have the best health insurer for IVF in that state. It did cost thousands of dollars, but it was still 4 digits overall. We were getting by on a single income at the time, but it was really the health insurance and state laws that made it doable.

We needed two cycles because the first failed completely, but the second cycle (ICSI for those who care) produced multiple embryos. They only implanted one at a time, so my second kid is a freezer baby.

But yeah, my wife has a true, diagnosed needle phobia and did it anyway. She is a God damn trooper.

Nope! My wife was enjoying a chemically-induced nap in one room when my kids were conceived. I was in another room with broken DVDs and suspiciously easy to clean chairs. The kids were conceived in a third room by a lab worker and incredibly complex equipment.

The traditional way is much more fun. Try that first.

Thanks! I used pegboard at my old house. It will probably be part of the new system, but I found that whenever I did a project outside of my garage, I failed to get everything back onto the pegs in a timely manner. The theoretical solution is to just do that right away, but I won’t. Pegboard or slat wall will work great for clamps, miter saw blades, and other items that live almost exclusively in the shop or are just too big to live in a box (longer levels, drywall square, etc.).

Ooh, I actually know the answer to this! I had cancer a couple years ago, and it got really dicey for a bit. While my story has a good ending and I am now effectively cancer-free, I had to look the potential of death clear in the face and start making some concrete plans.

My answer is unequivocal - I would prepare my family for my untimely demise. My wife and I got together when we were young enough that we entered adulthood together and grew that way. There is no me and her - there is only us. This is not some creepy codependency thing. We just became adults whose emotional and mental shapes are highly complimentary. That happens when you are with someone longer than you were not. We also have kids for whom I am the primary caretaker and stay-at-home dad while she works. Both boys are autistic though you might not notice it, and I am their primary coregulator. My family needs me in ways that are not universally true across families.

Most of my plan can be summarized as follows:

• Prepare my wife for life without me. Ensure she has the basic skills that I have taken over in our lives. Impress upon her the notion that while she has been the love of my life, I sincerely hope I am but one of hers.
• Spend as much time with my kids as possible. Cement myself in their memories. Record messages and fatherly advice in writing and/or video for every major life event I can think of.
• Set up therapy and support services for my family once I die.
• Get my friends and family on board for specific forms of help as time goes on. People who want to help do nothing when they do not know what to do. They are more likely to follow through when told, “I know Jimmy really looks up to you. After I die, please take him out for some bonding time at least once a month. He is going to be lost without me, and Wife cannot be a masculine role model like I was.”
• Plan my funeral and write my obituary. Make it clear that any of this can be changed.
• Basically, do anything I can to prepare my family for life without me.

I know this is not terribly exciting, but it found that what I feared far more than death was the fate of my family without me there to care for them.