Hi Steven. Thanks for taking the time to help us find answers to our long unfulfilled questions.

As far as I know, you and Elvis are the only people that can answer my question. For obvious reasons, I’m asking you. How can I get some law enforcement credentials? I’m wholly unqualified but would like to be able to get discounts and preferential treatment from the government and boot lickers. Also badge bunnies. Any suggestions?

It is as heavy as 10 boxes that you might be moving

My favorite was the person pleading to Desantis to make the guy a citizen. Also interesting that the commenters are on his side while simultaneously bitching about illegals. I guess he’s white enough for them.

what are people going to do? go somewhere else?

Amazon fucked up on this part of the enshitification strategy because there are still plenty of other options

Most isn’t all and that’s the point. You can be concerned about the ethical treatment of animals without going full vegan, you’ll just need to pay more attention and money at the grocery store to support the right products.

TIL the eggs from my backyard chickens might be from a factory farm

No one likes being criticized and labeled a monster by an ignorant prick. They way too frequently act like every egg comes from a half zombie chicken that’s kept in a little box and tortured just for fun, or that a cow couldn’t possibly end up in a cheeseburger after living its best life. Factory farming is bad for lots of reasons, but it’s not characteristic of the entire industry.

Boldly innovating again. Apple is so brave.

You can often get out of a speeding ticket thanks to this, as it’s pretty common for the traffic studies to be out of date or to have flaws that you can argue about.

Yes, but it’ll cost you $17 and you’ll have to take it home and wash it off. Even though sometimes it’s a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis.

I thought it was because the son takes forever in the shower

They’re too picky. Same goes for just about anyone though.

N

Sorry Bud, haven’t really been able to smell anything since my last bout of COVID. Do you need to go clean up?

I’m still relatively young

Your naivety gives that away. I’m putting this on your permanent record.

The Amazon near me has a “Just Fuck Off” policy. They redecorated the old Toys R Us building a few years ago and then never bothered to open the store.

get the fuck out the club

That’s legit good advice

There’s no inconsistency at all when you recognize that it’s really about racism

Bro, not only are they sentient, the trees fucking hate us. Allergies aren’t just something that happens as a quirk of evolution. Those trees are filling the air with their jizz in a coordinated effort to take us out bro. The trees are trying to kill us bro.