the chirp of a smoke alarm needing a new battery

That is my personal hell right there… Nothing gets me agitated faster…

Same. And my (now ex-) wife knew that, and toward the end of our relationship, it seems like she would make the most intricate plans just to completely change them at the last moment.

There was one day we had a plan to take the kids to meet her brothers at a sandwich shop down the street that we often went to - we were going separate ways afterwards so we took different cars, I went down the street and waited… And waited… And called her, she said she had gotten hung up getting something for one of the kids, but she was almost there… Waited another couple minutes (the place was literally 2 minutes away from the house) still no sign of her or her brothers so I called again… She said she was turning on x street- 3 miles away! Long story short (too late) she had changed the plan and we were going to the mall, and supposedly she told me that, but I sure as hell didn’t remember that… And as it turned out, where she was going afterwards was to meet her affair partner, but I didn’t know that then…

I remember telling someone that, and they didn’t believe me. It had been a long time since I had read it, so I had to google it to make sure I hadn’t imagined it.

I don’t know what they were thinking.

$$$. That’s it, that’s what they were thinking. The previous Thors were among the worst performing MCU titles - I could be mistaken, but I believe Thor 2 was the worst. (Maybe outdated? Did eternals surpass it?) They needed to do something different to rake in the $$$, and they did, because the masses are stupid and will fork over $$$ if herded like cows. PS I actually liked Ragnarok, but I was never much of a marvel fan, so I didn’t have a preexisting idea of how the character should be portrayed to get offended by the switch.

Paying a subscription to do anything…

I mean, that’s kind of the point - someone else wiser said the real thing, then Mr smarty-pants heard it, didn’t understand it, but thought it sounded cool so began repeating what he thought he heard to people who also don’t know any better, but like the way he says it so they give him their money to play with. Business/capitalism in a nutshell.

I thought the one guy had shit a brick…

I beat my kids

at chess whenever we play.

I understood that reference.

More or less same, but I’ve gotten in the habit of saying “folder” to the younger crowd (at work) to be understood, and now they’ve become interchangeable, so I will switch back and forth in the same breath, confusing them even further…

I knew a guy in high school that choked himself out for fun, like he would devise techniques to make sure when he passed out the choking force would be removed, and he was trying to convince me to try it… No thanks, I’ll just stick to drugs.

When I was young I could go again within a couple minutes… After 30 it was pretty rare… Then in late 40s started having trouble keeping it up for a one time thing, but I figured it was psychological because my then wife didn’t want it (from me) anymore anyway… Then when that ended I took care of things, got a vasectomy and medication that lets me go multiple rounds again, at least in theory… Haven’t gotten to test out the theory yet, other than in my own hands…

I got frustrated with my dad at one point and said "then why the hell do I have just as much trouble doing things I want to do? He didn’t have an answer to that…

What’s black and white and laughs?

The priest who pushed her.

I’m 51, I have several 30-something coworkers, one in particular gets all my cultural references, one in particular gets none of them. It’s fun to get them together…

I’m a 51 year old (as of today) and I feel like I’m 25, and when I talk to people… Wait, I don’t talk to people…

This question forms the core of the infinite monkey protocol…

Yes.

Nope, I’ve been occupied with other things for a while, so I literally hadn’t opened the app for a month or so…

CPS (or as they call it here, department of child safety) doesn’t care about spanking.