waow, lemmy.world as always.,… i see tooo long trash conversation about addiction, which doesnt even wanna read

so true mrpmrpmrpmprmrpmp

ughughughugh meme about me

depends on ppl itself, usually i hate all ppl around, but exception for idk cute cool ppl maybe

good good very good happy girl, my dysphoria is die mraowwww, wanna attention mprmprmprmprm, despire lowering ssri 50% i feel better mrapmprwmpmrom moew :3 ^~

nah, its random, but sensory stress can be(autistic) i think its due cptsd body armoring

nah not common, idk no specific diet but i avoid meals, triggers ughghh whole body muscle hypertensions (antipsychotic past sadly)

By euphoria, do you mean you like getting high?

yuh, my dopamine receptors are fucked by antipsychotics

like i okay but meltdowns huh, and still i lack attention n love

look post history, it made worse, even psychotherapy in my 17,098,246 km2 country it will be only worse

today is awful, parents is toxic, sensory overload due fcking mom cleaning whole house, every fcking weekend, i got stress aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, i got bad throughts again… (such as diy euthanasia), i just cant handle toxic environment which area is 17,098,246 km2 (actually more but there more complex)

maybe just somehow cut off parents and just live hikkiko internet life, but i still lonely i want love care attention etc, i wanna cat mommy which would be care me

only tapering sert

everything is good except wanting drugs(maybe still hostile environment?) for euphoria, problems w motor idk its like body armoring,

i never mentioning autism/adhd to doctors, because they will jsut laugh and said that i schizo like they did with my transness, however, i’ve never mentioned transness too, just my mom was put me in this fcking system,

they was patholizing even my talking style, at that moment it was slow, sad, quite, they dont like every trait in me, and yeah transness

i was all life weirdo kid, and they “onset at 12yo, set phone password, started growing hair”

i just avoid psychiatry system, also aaaaaaaaa i cant trauma dump again toooooooo, it was insane

to fix everything in me, like transness, weirdness, they bump me with antipsychotics and i got damage from them(muscle motor problems), also cptsd lol

there the unfun https://piefed.blahaj.zone/c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone/p/833874/my-brain-was-fucked-by-doctors-thanks-you-doooctoor

idk my psycho said i have autistic traits but not enough for ASD, but the problem, is my insane cencorship with him, and quite messed up history before, and a lot of doctors hate self-diagnosts and overall neurodiversity, here they usually put instead schizo for me(+ im trans + adhd)

but awwtistic awwdhd explains my life a lot, and bullying from childhood a lot(+gender nonconformy), i have a lot of traits, weirdness, etc

i feel disable as hell lol

pharmacology diving thru adhd hyperfocus and autism obession, also finding good ways to solve problems with muscle shit(i still idk what name applies here, maybe dystonia or just neuroleptic syndrome), it seems get better when understand more the fcking loop, today i got pretty good feel, yesterday was shit, actually sensory overloads making me worse,

the mechanism which i think its, its just overdeveloped instinct due to trauma, and hyperstress periods (2024 comingout, and wrong hormone in my body), any light trigger brain process as danger, and activating body armoring and survelliance regime, actually the periods have increased sweating, and stress, and … increased sensory sentivity(warning loopback), more irritable, etc, also post forced-taked antipsychotic problem too so cptsd which from chemicals and from external pressure, the meds are useless, i tried muscle relaxants got tolerance very very fast, any other option have addiction potential and still tolerance risk, and risk of getting worse, since in short period of time in 2024 i got forced bumped 15+ different substances overall, which acts on CNS, but before 2024 i dont had any problems and maximum ibuprofen for headache

actually i have theory what could help longterm

parents are sooooooososososo annoying toxic assholes which inst cute at all, aaaaaaaaaaaaa its awful awful awful, making me nervous

other than this shit

enjoying new headphones, sososososo cool soooo perfect for sensory, also fun music

wanna cute catgirls around me aaaaaaaaaaaa

huuuh i found new, with “good” seller reviews, delivery(pain),

possible to check on pickup, and deny if something wrong(the seller wont get money until you confirm validness), “2 week warranty”

the big big big country vendor costs $215, this costs $148, used are usually ~$110 with weird sellers

aaaaaa problems living in sanctioned asshole that even on bigbigbig vemdor is greymarket still

or impulse buy new ones from bigmarket… ugh

any

even small wrist watches ticking in another side of room, eg when i asleep, everything is silent, THEY TICKING A LOT

any fcking car sound

etc I HATE ALL NOISES especially my parents voices and noises what they making

i am basically 24/7 in sensory overloads, i hate so much bright light, when sunsets, parents fcking turning on main room light, I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE ssososoososo much

i realized that i never had really productive days in my life

so real