I haven’t spoken to my father in almost two years, and it’s been a painful and complicated journey. One of the pivotal moments for me was on my wedding day. I didn’t receive any message from him—not even a simple acknowledgment. I had hoped to hear from him, and his silence cut deeply, making me realize how distant we had become.

I feel a lot of anger and sadness because it seems like we will never have the relationship I’ve always wanted. I long for a connection where he takes interest in my life and my choices, even when they differ from his own. Instead, I often feel dismissed or disregarded, especially when it comes to my boundaries. For example, whenever politics comes up, I feel disrespected because he tends to push against the limits I’ve tried to set.

There’s also a significant element of fear in our dynamic. I worry that if I attempt to rebuild our relationship, he might use his financial resources as a means of control over me and my family. This fear makes it hard for me to see a path forward that feels safe and genuine.

Right now, I’m in a space where I’m trying to determine IF or how I want to re-establish any sort of relationship with him. I want to find out if it’s possible for us to interact in a way that respects each other’s boundaries, takes a real interest in one another’s lives, and supports each other’s choices—even when we disagree. It’s a difficult and ongoing process, but I’m trying to be honest with myself about what I need and what I’m willing to work towards.

  • SouthernLight@lemmy.mlOP
    2·
    1 day ago

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    Why would you want to fix it if he constantly pushes your boundaries purposely?

    Because he’s my father and, naturally, I want a relationship where he will be a part of my life.

    If he didn’t contact you on your wedding, was he invited?

    Yes, he was invited.

    • foggenbooty@lemmy.worldEnglish
      8·
      1 day ago

      You hear sayings like “family is everything” all throughout your life, but it’s only partially true. There is an unspoken assumption that there is love within the family and to not let little things pull you apart.

      That is not what you have here. He does not care about you in the way you do about him. As another commenter said, trying to have him live up to an ideal you have in your head will never work. He’s a square peg that you are trying to put into a round hole and every time you do it hurts and causes you emotional distress. He doesn’t feel that. It’s asymmetric.

      So you have to ask yourself why you are holding on to him as a father if he is not willing to be one. It’s unfortunate but you may have to accept the reality that you don’t have one.