Heard a guy respond to another guy calling him a motherfucker with ‘yeah, but your mom didn’t complain much’, so it got me thinking. What are your best comebacks for the common insults you hear from time to time?
One I’ve heard: a guy was giving another guy some shit for drinking a “girly drink”, saying “real men don’t drink those”.
The guy instantly responded, “Real men drink whatever the fuck they want.”
Man. I’m gonna use this one for sure!
Absolutely! What is more manly than being independent and not giving a damn about what others think!
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smells of elderberries.
Which, IIRC, insinuated that their mother was a snackish breeder and their father was a gin drunk. (Also, that she was past tense?)
She got better
Might go for a walk!
That’s just like… Your opinion man
“Well, I guess you’re no longer invited to my birthday party.”
Said to a random person, it confuses the hell out of them.
“No u”
Mirroring works best if you monkey them. Just repeat the exact words just like in an ape voice. A little pantomime helps, too.
Ultimate uno reverse card.
“Sorry, I’m not going to have a battle of wits with someone who is clearly unarmed.”
Someone asked if I was dropped as a baby due to my performance difficulties and I responded by saying she’d know it would’ve been worth it if she was ever held.
Ignoring them. Nothing grinds their gears more.
The best response to every insult is “ok”. Say that and walk away.
No one insults me, so these aren’t field tested.
“Oh yeah? Well, the jerk store called and they’re running out of you.”
“I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”
“Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”
“What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”
“I didn’t realise the circus was in town!”
“Were your parents siblings, or was it just a lot of head trauma?”
“I’d tell you to read the room, but we both know reading isn’t your strong suite.”
“What other tricks can you do?”
“keep going with that, it’s turning me on”
If someone calls you fat.
Ya I’m fat but I can lose weight. The hell are you going to do with that face.
I’ve heard this one!
Heard of. Heard of.
You are rubber, I am glue.
Don’t you have that in reverse? It’s supposed to bounce off of you and stick to me, which means you’re supposed to be the rubber.
Behind you, a three headed monkey!
Excuse me, did you mean to say that out loud?
and
Insecure much?
I think in general, sometimes a glittering beautiful so sharp it cuts to the bone comeback just comes to mind, and sometimes it doesn’t, so it’s good to remember that what people say, says more about them personally than the person they are talking about.
