I had a borderline breakdown when I was a kid when I discovered that life was kind of set on rails: go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, work until you’re too old to function, then retire for a few years and wait to die. Any deviation from this plan would put me at risk of dying poor, lonely, sick, and very likely young. At least, that was what the adults in my life impressed upon me. I felt trapped, like I wouldn’t ever have a chance to just explore the world and enjoy life my own way without stressing about things that needed to be done.

For a long while, I fantasized about living the Swiss Family Robinson lifestyle: build myself a multi-level tree house on a deserted tropical island and live my own free life, far away from people and taxes and jobs and all expectations. I kind of idolized the hermit lifestyle. I just wanted to be left alone.

Then in high school, while I was stressing about what to do for college, an uncle of mine suggested the US Air Force. He said they treated you much better than any other branch of the military, gave you free college education, free travel around the world, free food and housing, free medical and dental, gave you some solid training and experience in a trade, and they even paid you to do it all! On top of all that, I could officially retire after only 20 years served and collect a pension for the rest of my life. It sounded too good to be true!

So… I went that route at 18 years old, served my 20, and now am fully retired as of 38 years old. Granted, my pension isn’t enough to be fully retired. But the military did break me a bit, and through several small things adding up, I earned 100% disability with the VA which pays way more than my pithy pension. Plus, my wife also served and was medically separated with a 100% disability rating as well. So with our 3 passive incomes and free medical/dental for life, we can be fully retired!

My father just passed away in January and my wife and I had been caring for him in my childhood home since I retired. So I’ve now inherited his home, which is on several acres out in the countryside. And I’m basically back to living my idealized childhood; free to do whatever I want with my days while relaxing in my childhood home. I have very few bills, no job, no obligations, and enough income to live comfortably. I’m not rich by any stretch of the imagination, but I make enough (and don’t spend enough) that I don’t have to be budgeting or micromanaging my bank account.

My wife and I also decided not to have kids. We watched as our friends and family all had kids, and no matter how much they all loved and/or hated the process of child-rearing, we saw how it hurt them mentally, physically, and financially. Plus, my wife has medical complications which would make her bedridden while pregnant and unable to take the meds she needs to function without pain every day.

In the end, we decided it wasn’t really worth all the effort. Besides, my wife’s immediate family all has mental issues, and there’s a huge chance any kids we have would inherit them too, so best not to take the risk. If we want children in our lives, we can go visit my sister who has two wonderful kids. We get our fill of being around children, then we can go home to our stress-free life at the end of the day.

So yeah, I think the young version of me would be very proud of where I ended up at 40. I’m not stuck in a dead-end job until I’m too old to do anything with my life, I’m not financially stressed, I have the freedom to travel, explore, learn, and just enjoy life every single day. I’m not lonely; I’m happily married to my best friend. My life actually worked out pretty well.

My younger self would be impressed with how much I know about circuit design and repair. My older self knows I could have done so much better if I had just applied myself instead of getting distracted by women.

That I’m still alive.

kicking heroin and cigarettes

A career in what was only a hobby when I was 16. And I’ve gotten to visit far corners of the world as part of it.

“We convinced someone to be with us? Cool!” and also “we didn’t kill our twin??? Amazing”

My lawnmower.

Bear with me.

When I was a kid my dad had a proper lawnmower. It was petrol-powered with a cylinder cutting head and a heavy roller at the back. A Suffolk Colt. There was something about it, the combined smell of petrol and freshly mown grass, the perfect stripes it laid on the lawn, the neatness of the cut. When I was old enough I was allowed to use it to mow the lawn. The only chore I was given that was pure pleasure. I loved running that machine over the grass, loved the the pull of the eager little engine when I opened the throttle, loved the sound, loved the smell, loved everything about it…

I’m in my 50s now, but it wasn’t until I bought my own, refurbished Suffolk Colt, about 10 years ago, that I felt maybe, just maybe, that I was a proper grown-up like my dad was. 10-year old me would smile and understand.

Probably my career accomplishments. I still don’t fully believe in myself for this role and have imposter syndrome. I fake it til I make it & put forth my best effort and hope for the best most times and it’s worked out pretty well for me.

I think my younger self didn’t really know what I wanted to be until I was in high school and even that changed shortly thereafter. My high school self may be down to know I didn’t pursue that career path but would be proud of what I did end up doing.

Also would be proud to know I somewhat came out of my shell and was able to find attractive women who were willing to date me and have satisfying relationships. Sad to know I’m still not married, but I’d hope to instill wisdom that eventually came later that a good thing takes time and is worth the wait so it’s not all bad despite the aspirations and hopes I had for my immediate future.

I was a better, happier, more optimistic person back then, so I’m sure that they’d find something to be proud of. As far as accomplishments and aspirations, I don’t think I’ve managed any yet. Maybe someday!

I didn’t wind up in the gutter like a lot of people said I would. I’m successful and slightly wealthier than the family I started in. I was naive as a young person though so young me might not recognize my life as successful.

Did we make massive mistakes? Absolutely. But at least we’re getting the help we knew we needed

Getting a chick

Mostly nothing.

Younger me would generally be proud of who i am as a person.

My art and my determination.