“I’m here to save the date!”

“Don’t you mean ‘save the day’?”

“No. You’re going to get married on the 9th of June next year”

“How do you know that? I’ve only just got engaged!”

“I am The Officiant, and I have the power to schedule weddings!”

I can tell if your breath is bad, but it requires me getting really close to your mouth and you have to exhale.

I know the exact location of the nearest loaf of bread in a 30 mile radius only on the third Tuesday of each month that begins with an S.

There’s no need to fear, AWKWARD ERECTION MAN IS HERE!