Are you sure your friend isn’t just three beavers in a long coat?

Are you fucking kidding me? You’re gonna look me in the eye and tell me the sail flying above the poop deck is called a spanker?

Ah man, that expression. Such a mood

Oh, so you’re in a real live desert. That’d be way too much work. I bet you have some beautiful natives growing out there. Sucks about the grasses, tho. I have enough trouble with bermuda grass, I can only imagine the problems from something that could be invasive in a desert

Daikon radishes. They grow in about anything and are especially good at clay busting. Grow a bunch then let them die back. Till them in and repeat until you get enough environment for the worms to take over the tilling. You can keep piling on radishes with something like clover and peas to add some nitrogen fixers. This is more a pasture revitalization technique, but if you don’t mind being the weird radish guy for two or three years (depending on local conditions), you could do it on a smaller scale for a lawn

Since we’re in a science-themed shitpost area, I’d just like to take this moment to be both pedantic and gross in reminding folks that llamas and alpacas don’t just spit, they vomit into their mouths before givin’ it that hawk tuah

R E P R O D U C E

This sounds like the plot of a 90’s movie

I’ll accept that. The exception that proves the rule. Never met a pigeon that I didn’t like

If you’ve ever lived with a bird, you know the size waned but the terror only grew

It’s more like the floor is a belt sander

This right here. I bought their security bit set and, true, I’ve only ever opened the case three times in the few years I’ve had it, but in those three times nothing else would have worked without a more destructive solution

Messiah Shark do do do do do do

The sun be crazy. Like, it’s more or less a self-sustaining explosion that’s so far away the energy of it takes almost ten minutes to cross the void to us, but is still so powerful it can burn and blind you if you’re exposed to it for too long. And the effects are only that minor because our magnetosphere blocks most of the solar wind. That wind is coming at us at almost a million miles per hour

I can’t unsee the dick swastika

Horses are cats that can stomp you to death. Source: worked in stables

Probably getting paid to spread sentiment, but the guys writing their checks really only know the steps to marketing a product while forgetting that the product also has to be, ya know, good. Typical MBA shit: put out a new thing that does an old thing in a new, walled garden sort of way then go absolutely HAM on pushing all the units before the influencers that still have souls start bashing it

Well, good news is if you make it back you got pretty good chances. Benny was a freak

Lol, I did this the other day. Thought I was clever with The New Relics, but I looked it up and it’s a dad band

I played up the dynamite aspect a bit there, but The Bone Wars were very real, very not a porn, and reads more like a Cohen Brothers spec script than anything that, you know, actually happened