Lists of crisis hotlines across the world: (Crisis Hotline) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crisis_hotline#Telephone_counseling
(Helplines, Suicide Hotlines, and Crisis Lines from Around the World) https://www.therapyroute.com/article/helplines-suicide-hotlines-and-crisis-lines-from-around-the-world
I get the sentiment with posts like this, but I hate them. They’re so disingenuous to me. If someone reads them and gains something positive from the message then good, but I just hate them.
Speaking for myself, personally, I also don’t like the maximalism. It is (should) also (be) okay to talk about your depression, anxiety and issues, if you aren’t at all suicidal and in no risk of becoming suicidal. Imagining reading something like this as past me, who was more stuck in depression than today, I’d read it as “okay, I know I am not at all suicidal, so I better not talk about my issues so that the ones that are can have all the resources, as I am not worthy of them.”
The truth is: Professionals (including specialised hotlines) and really, really good friends (and ironically, sometimes strangers on the internet) are the only
trulymostly reliable places to vent and find support without risking being misunderstood, and/or them not following through at all. And you have to build from there, with their help.
This isn’t realistic.
I’ve dealt with depression before.
People will say they want to support you and want to know what’s going on. If you describe a problem, the person listening almost always offers a solution. If you start to explain why their solution won’t work, they almost instantly get super annoyed and may suddenly become unavailable the next time you call.
People want to think of themselves as the type of person who would be supportive of a depressed person, but most “supportive” people who feel this way still adhere to normal social mores and expectations and get pissed or annoyed when a depressed person doesn’t follow them. It’s also super hard for a depressed person to simultaneously discus their depression and adhere to unwritten social niceties.
If I as a depressed person keep my feelings to myself, if I get better I still may have friends and if I die at least some people may show up to my funeral. If I lean on non-depressed people for support, they will expect normal social responses that adhere to unwritten codes and will get annoyed, the result being for me at best fewer friends and at worst a cremation with no one who cares about the ashes.
Honestly fuck that tweet or whatever. Shit like that is bout making society feel better with corporatesque platitudes like “Mental Health Awareness is Important! See something say something!” or whatever empty cheerleading slogan exists to encourage the workers while the most poor of all rot on the street (unless they fall asleep, causing them to be arrested, whenceupon they are fed in jail). Most people do not give a fuck, that’s why a homeless subpopulation exists, fuck this planet and fuck empty tweets like this.
Thank you for expressing what I’ve never been able to put into words
Thank you for acknowledging that this is a real thing. I wished when I first had depression I had been warned to never open up to friends about it. I got that advice a few years in when talking with a woman at a support group who went on to become a successful actress: never tell anyone you know. Although to this day I still wonder whether she was depressed or method acting.
Friends would genuinely care at first, say “Just try going out more” or something that I wasn’t capable of, and then when I would explain why I couldn’t, I could see the annoyance on their face.
Then, when the topic changed and they were talking, I could sense the annoyance when I wasn’t giving normal social feedback to some trivial story. Like, I would get a “my boss is such a bitch” story and instead of laughing or smiling during appropriate moments, which are things people often do voluntarily to feign social engagement, I just lacked the ability to respond in a normal emotional way.
Such an interaction would almost always result in later calls going unreturned.
That’s why tweets like this are so bad. If you have depression, the best advice is really keep that shit to yourself and jog and get better over time if you can and if it’s severe lean on professionals or join a support group. Your absolute closest friend(s) may be willing to tolerate it, like your bestie may stick around, but good friends won’t and acquaintances absolutely won’t.
And the people who ghost after discussing depression with you will never think of it in terms of what is is. The ghosting person doesn’t go “Man that shit bummed me out, he’s not depressed just lazy. His responses to my stories made me feel bummed out.” Instead, they just will suddenly not have time when they did before, thinking “Yeah, I want to be there but I’m just so busy. I’ll call in a few weeks” and then they will conveniently forget.
That’s why when you see someone like Selena Gomez proudly declaring her mental health issues and being open and transparent and the importance of living your truth etc, it’s really about making her feel good because she’s a sexy celebrity with a line of people angling to know her because of fame and if one person leaves the line there are others right behind that person. That is almost never true for anyone else dealing with mental health and openness and transparency are often terribly hurtful to those with these issues, however, it makes people feel good and look good to say “Be transparent and open” because they are selfish or naive and the truth “Lie about your mental health and stfu” doesn’t look good. This is even worse in corporate and institutional settings where the entire point is to look good. Never has there been a corporate mental health slogan "It’s okay to lie about your depression. We get it if you need to be out sick for ‘mono’ " because dishonesty is something people don’t like. It has never been about the depressed person, it’s always about people already happy. This is not meant to disparage Selena Gomez and she may not actually say everyone should be open and just be trying to show that real people have these issues, but she is just an example of someone very transparent when that transparency may be extremely unwise for others. The push for transparency in mental health is often really destructive in some ways to people who naively believe its benefit and these values and tweets tends to align more with government institutional and societal goals more than anything.
It’s way better for a depressed person to pretend to be super busy, then reappear when able to be the fun friend rather than permanently damaging the social connections they have. For this tweet, it’s like inviting depressed people into shark infested waters for a nice swim. Most people with these issues figure this out along the way, and then you get accidental gas lighting tweets like that in response.
So much of mental health is what makes non-depressed people feel better about themselves and what society would like to be effective, but makes things worse for people who suffer.
I’m so incredibly lucky to have a couple friends who I can dump my terrible thoughts on and have them just go “that fucking sucks and I wish I could help” and not try to give advice or try to offer comfort by talking about how they got through bad times
I learned the hard way which people I can talk to and be honest with and which I can’t
Some people do have the capacity to express this sentiment, if only for a few hours a week or month. And they’ll dedicate that time to crisis centers like the one in the message, where it can save a life or at least pause an irreversible decision in the moment.
People do not give a fuck. But sometimes they do.
Yeah, I don’t suffer in silence. I do see a therapist, I highly recommend it.
I will not discuss my depression because I can physically see the effect it has depressing others
Said nobody ever. Not blaming anyone. It’s just an observation.
I used to have a bunch of toxic friends in my 20s where someone goes “I’m struggling” and someone replies “Everyone is. Stop bringing us down.” That was the clearest way I saw that.
These days, I see it in different ways. The coworker that’s just TMIs and people give that look to them/tell them that this is a professional setting. Or during a check-in, someone goes, “Everything is great” and holding it all in.
I understand the message but for those suffering, be forewarned, not everyone can understand what you’re going through. People that love you and care about you will just stare at you and say: “umm … okay”. It is not a judgement against them or their character that they don’t understand it.
I say that as someone that was clinically depressed. It was helpful for me, and I can only speak for myself, but try to find others that are feeling the same way and talking to them. It’s far easier to speak to others that “get it”. That’s not to say you shouldn’t open up to your friends … I have and I don’t regret it. However, don’t expect everyone to understand what you’re going through.
I wish. No one IRL treats me like this. Everyone’s eyes glaze over or they freak out. There is no support.
That’s the heartbreaking part - so many would genuinely rather hear about your death than have to suffer your “whining” (most would not admit that though). I suppose it takes all kinds of people in this world…
Yeah my wife kinda said she was tired of hearing me be depressed. And now she wonders why I’m a bit closed off today, or numb.
Those are really difficult emotions to deal with. I’ve been there, with friends, partners and spouses. It’s hard. I wish I could help more but all I can say is you’re not alone. I know it hurts. I hope you find something to smile about today ❤️
Came to say the same thing. It’s awesome to be optimistic and wholesome, but very few people care that in depth. It’s also really hard to shoulder someone at that level.
Especially with males.
I also have clinical depression and I really get the lack of support. Nevertheless, I would give him the benefit of the doubt. I think what he’s emphasizing is the “no one” part. There are some, fewer than id like, people that want to see the world a better place and we gotta support each other
I hate that this took me till i was a father to figure this out. And even then my kids were in there late teens to twenties beforehand it really sunk in.
How can I expect my kids to open up to me if I won’t open up to them.
Thank you.
I feel like most of these comments are really out there, like a cry for help.
I’m reading all these comments in the “Lemmy Be Wholesome” community and just yikes.
I can see it from both perspectives.
Sometimes, I can’t handle a random person like a coworker emotional-dump on me. I’ll give shallow level sympathy. We don’t have a relationship where we both trust each other to give advice or support in a successful way. So yeah, you’re going to get a “Bro that’s rough man.”
If I really like the person, I’m there for them, above and beyond. The tradeoff has to be mutual. They got my back, and I have theirs. Its my wife. It’s my therapist. It’s my best buddy from high school. It’s my team from work. It’s the coffee shop people I see every other day.
Lots of work and trust built before I can open up.
That’s what I’m wondering here. You people okay? You people out there building real connections?
I think this sounds nice, but often even with close people this doesn’t work well and a depressed person risks damaging the relationship. A spouse or best friend will sometimes deal with it for a year. They often won’t deal with it for yearS. I have a hard time envisioning you’ve been extraordinarily depressed before, even if you’ve been technically depressed and took Proaz for a month, and I doubt anything like that has even happened.
It’s not that I don’t want to burden others, it’s that I know they can’t do anything to help.
You guys have friends and family?
I have a friend that pops up every so often. And my parents never say hi to my friend. Rude.
Just want to say thank you, that’s all
This will help
I saw Felonious Munk at the DC Comedy Loft in Dec 24. Top notch show. Mental health was part of his set and was well received by the audience.
What a tastefully named gentleman. Thank you kind sir.
Beautiful name because it’s a riff off of Thelonious Monk, a beautiful jazz musician that I place in my top 3 of musicians. Other two being John Coltrane and Miles Davis. Honorable mention would be Chet Baker as he is definitely up there, but listening to Chet just brings you into a whole different mood. Much preferable on a gloomy, rainy day with a cup of coffee or tea in hand.
Anyways, Fuck Nazi’s.
A lovely sentiment, but unfortunately it has no basis in point of fact reality.
I dunno. I was suicidally depressed all day every day for nearly 20 years, and there were people I love who were very consistently supportive. As always, ymmv, but saying it has no basis in reality is false. If the human actions in this post did not exist, I would be dead. Instead, I made it to middle age.
It doesn’t always happen, but there are people that back up feeling the way the post describes with action.
Why burden someone who has their own plethora of issues with my personal issues?
Everyone’s fucked ATM, how could you not have some form of mental issues with the way everything is atm? You can’t look anywhere without the grim reminders of how fucked we are, even if you actively avoid it.
We’re a frogs sneeze away from WW3 and we all know damn well it’s gonna be nuclear.
We bond over that shared trauma, then go kick rocks together to cope.
