Former President Gore is celebrating the 18 year anniversary of ending the climate crisis. Since they never felt the effects of it, nobody cares, and still think of him as that president who did nothing after 9/11. He’s thought of as the most boring president in history.

And Justin Beiber is still doing a kid friendly concert series at Zoos. Don’t ask. It’s weird in their timeline too.

Harambe is chilling while watching his offspring

Paul Ryan stopped in North Dakota for a stump speech today (he’s the presumptive Republican nominee).

President Hillary Clinton joined presidential hopeful Gavin Newsome onstage ahead of the DNC in a few weeks.

Polls are split down the middle between Ryan and Newsome with some on the left calling Ryan’s tax proposals too extreme.

It was a headshot. What happens next? Who knows.

God gets tired of testing humanity, descends to tell people to persecute billionaires instead of gays.

Microsoft actually loves open source and releases the NTFS driver code under a useful license.

I am happy.

England explodes, or something—I don’t make the rules.

I am absolutely drunk as shit and have called off work tomorrow.

Well, it’s world Breakfast for Dinner day so everyone is with their families making pancakes and waffles. Kids playing in the yard, moms and dads watching the sportball game, dad’s and moms making waffles, drunkles going for it with the mimosa pitchers.

Scrambled Egg Man is getting his 1974 Pinto loaded with presents to deliver them to the good kids all over the world and kissing his life partner on the forehead as he sets out on his journey.

Somewhere in a jungle, the village children ask to be told the story again of the time Great Gramps AccAcc saw Scrambled Egg Man swing on vines while dropping Stretch Armstrongs and GI Joe USS Flag playsets to all the huts.

The world has found peace. Tomorrow is a holiday and everyone has the day off with pay.

Some other worldline probably has fusion up and running making fossil fuels obsolete. In yet another we’re barely starting to crawl out of caves. This one’s not great, not terrible.

Alternate timeline (with by me):

President Bernie Sanders announced that he will be signing the sweeping gun reform legislation that has been the focus of his second term in office. Following the success of the MFAA (Medicare For All Act) signed in his previous term, this bill is expected to responsibly balance 2nd Amendment rights with common sense restrictions on the availability of automatic weapons.

While Republicans decry the new requirement for mandatory liability insurance for gun owners as overreach, safety experts maintain that these new regulations will reduce gun related injuries and mitigate their damages substantially.

In related news, the Future of America Act has passed with a strong 64% in the Senate. If implemented, it will increase government subsidies on green energy manufacturing by up to 300%. It would also reform the funding allocation process for public education, improving federal school funding efficiency and freeing up tens of millions of salary of current waste for redistribution to schools who need it the most.

In many of our nearby parallel neighbors, people are accusing Trump of a false flag attack after his supporters died in the shooting at his rally. In many others, Trump’s funeral is tomorrow.

This is only 1 out of our nearby cluster of 375 universes where Trump was struck by the bullet but not killed.

Seriously though, millimeters in either direction and that bullet sends history in another direction. The bullet grazing his ear is not only a ridiculously unlikely event, it’s one that’s impossible to plan without a superhuman sniper.

All I remember from Trump is “grab em by the pussy”. Kind of lost interest in what he is saying or doing after that. On the other hand, sleepy Joe can’t find the door to the bathroom on his own.

Amazing leaders, both of them. /s

Ever since the accidental event that was interpreted as war, no not the one in 1957, not the one in 1958, or the other one in 1958, not the one in the 60’s or 70’s. The one in the 80’s. No not that one, the other one in the 80’s. Yeah that one. Anyways, ever since that one happened and triggered nuclear armageddon there hasn’t been much activity at all. Give it another couple millennia and maybe more complex organisms will roam the earth again.

The Whig party just blocked access to the internet for anyone who has been convicted of a crime.

The Central Eastern states have declared today national Electrification day after winning their war on oil.

I Love Lucy just reached #1 on the Blockbuster top 100. And sadly, Jimi Hendrix just passed away at the ripe age of 81 after a long and prosperous career.

deleted by creator