I know the more I make, more people expect me to just pay for everything because ‘I make so much’.
Ive had people demand I pay for their vacation (flight and hotel)…just because.
Oh they have a car issue “Can I pay you back later?” (They never pay back)
“Im a little short for groceries, I need food!” (Proceed to buy junk food and high quality produce they never get with their money) (And again Im an ass if I ask to be paid back, cause what I expect them to STARVE!!)
Oh shit, they dont have money for rent, how many times Ive gotten this one. Just 50, 100,150,200,250…and keep slowly creeping up. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WONT PAY IT,ILL BE HOMELESS BECAUSE OF YOU!!!
Even had my neighbor demand (not ask, demand!) I pay for their car cause theyre 3 months behind and its about to be repo’d, and itll be MY FAULT! (with them yelling at me on my porch).
I know I had to stop being nice about lending, cause everyone else never wanted to stop ‘asking’. So yeah, I cant give an inch or people will just go for the full mile.
I find it to be the opposite, I make enough that I haven’t checked my bank account while making a purchase in a long time.
My friends are almost offended when I offer to cover dinners and nights out. I’m not trying to show off with my buddies, I just know $400-500 isn’t a lot to me and for them it’s a week’s pay but I really like hanging out with them.
So I try to compromise in that I’ll cover dinner if they cover bowling or something like that.
I did, and my outlook now (from a secure financial position) is very similar to yours. Although I view my generosity as a kind of twisted love language haha
Yes, I was raised food and home insecure in my childhood and was pretty poor in my twenties.
It’s funny because I’m very generous with my friends, but won’t give my family a dime because they usually just want my money and don’t have time for me.
We have helped friends out on various occasions to varying degrees.
Nobody demands shit from us let alone asks. Ok well, asking to donate to a school thing maybe.
Idk what kind of weirdos surround you but that sucks. Do you live in a gold plated house in the suburbs or something? Or are the matching Bentleys in the garage tipping them off? :)
My dad had some great advice on this: if you lend money to a friend, never expect it back. That is, don’t give more than you can afford as a gift. If they get it back to you (which they usually will), well that’s a nice surprise. And if they don’t, well that’s a small price to pay to learn where you stack up in someone else’s priorities.
Your situation sounds exceptional though. I honestly have a hard time believing it. Are you just walking around with a diamond came and cash bulging out of your cargo pants? Wtf, why are so many people (acquaintances even??) hitting you up?
It sounds unreal.
In any case I bet you wouldn’t expect an actual friend to keep a back and forth ledger of petty expenses with you.
When people in a poor area who litterally dont have $50 in their bank account see you with 2 vehicles in the driveway (nothing fancy, just a car and truck) and do various projects to improve on your home, its not hard to put 2+2 together.
And when youve helped out friends in the past, they like to talk about how much you helped them.
You should never have spoken about your income or shown ostentatious purchases. Your problem is of own doing and is also related to the people you consort with.
This I can agree with. Started when I found out a friends wife needed surgery (not life threatening, but would remove a cronic pain from her life and she could start working again, big QoL improvement). They couldnt afford the upfront payments, so they were going to not going to do it. So I forwarded him the money so she could have it done, hes been good about paying me back, it is very very slow, but hes working at it so no worries. Wife mentioned to her/our friends how I helped, and it just went from there.
I should have known better and just let her suffer.
I know the more I make, more people expect me to just pay for everything because ‘I make so much’.
Ive had people demand I pay for their vacation (flight and hotel)…just because.
Oh they have a car issue “Can I pay you back later?” (They never pay back)
“Im a little short for groceries, I need food!” (Proceed to buy junk food and high quality produce they never get with their money) (And again Im an ass if I ask to be paid back, cause what I expect them to STARVE!!)
Oh shit, they dont have money for rent, how many times Ive gotten this one. Just 50, 100,150,200,250…and keep slowly creeping up. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WONT PAY IT,ILL BE HOMELESS BECAUSE OF YOU!!!
Even had my neighbor demand (not ask, demand!) I pay for their car cause theyre 3 months behind and its about to be repo’d, and itll be MY FAULT! (with them yelling at me on my porch).
I know I had to stop being nice about lending, cause everyone else never wanted to stop ‘asking’. So yeah, I cant give an inch or people will just go for the full mile.
I find it to be the opposite, I make enough that I haven’t checked my bank account while making a purchase in a long time.
My friends are almost offended when I offer to cover dinners and nights out. I’m not trying to show off with my buddies, I just know $400-500 isn’t a lot to me and for them it’s a week’s pay but I really like hanging out with them.
So I try to compromise in that I’ll cover dinner if they cover bowling or something like that.
This is the way: equity.
I wonder, did you come up from a poor family?
I did, and my outlook now (from a secure financial position) is very similar to yours. Although I view my generosity as a kind of twisted love language haha
Yes, I was raised food and home insecure in my childhood and was pretty poor in my twenties.
It’s funny because I’m very generous with my friends, but won’t give my family a dime because they usually just want my money and don’t have time for me.
The more I make… Well nothing changes.
We have helped friends out on various occasions to varying degrees.
Nobody demands shit from us let alone asks. Ok well, asking to donate to a school thing maybe.
Idk what kind of weirdos surround you but that sucks. Do you live in a gold plated house in the suburbs or something? Or are the matching Bentleys in the garage tipping them off? :)
Sounds like a call to up the quality of peeps in your life?
Fucking this…
My dad had some great advice on this: if you lend money to a friend, never expect it back. That is, don’t give more than you can afford as a gift. If they get it back to you (which they usually will), well that’s a nice surprise. And if they don’t, well that’s a small price to pay to learn where you stack up in someone else’s priorities.
Your situation sounds exceptional though. I honestly have a hard time believing it. Are you just walking around with a diamond came and cash bulging out of your cargo pants? Wtf, why are so many people (acquaintances even??) hitting you up?
It sounds unreal.
In any case I bet you wouldn’t expect an actual friend to keep a back and forth ledger of petty expenses with you.
Setup:
Result: Plenty of savings and investments
When people in a poor area who litterally dont have $50 in their bank account see you with 2 vehicles in the driveway (nothing fancy, just a car and truck) and do various projects to improve on your home, its not hard to put 2+2 together.
And when youve helped out friends in the past, they like to talk about how much you helped them.
And now youre a target.
You should never have spoken about your income or shown ostentatious purchases. Your problem is of own doing and is also related to the people you consort with.
This I can agree with. Started when I found out a friends wife needed surgery (not life threatening, but would remove a cronic pain from her life and she could start working again, big QoL improvement). They couldnt afford the upfront payments, so they were going to not going to do it. So I forwarded him the money so she could have it done, hes been good about paying me back, it is very very slow, but hes working at it so no worries. Wife mentioned to her/our friends how I helped, and it just went from there.
I should have known better and just let her suffer.