I know the more I make, more people expect me to just pay for everything because ‘I make so much’.
Ive had people demand I pay for their vacation (flight and hotel)…just because.
Oh they have a car issue “Can I pay you back later?” (They never pay back)
“Im a little short for groceries, I need food!” (Proceed to buy junk food and high quality produce they never get with their money) (And again Im an ass if I ask to be paid back, cause what I expect them to STARVE!!)
Oh shit, they dont have money for rent, how many times Ive gotten this one. Just 50, 100,150,200,250…and keep slowly creeping up. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WONT PAY IT,ILL BE HOMELESS BECAUSE OF YOU!!!
Even had my neighbor demand (not ask, demand!) I pay for their car cause theyre 3 months behind and its about to be repo’d, and itll be MY FAULT! (with them yelling at me on my porch).
I know I had to stop being nice about lending, cause everyone else never wanted to stop ‘asking’. So yeah, I cant give an inch or people will just go for the full mile.
I find it to be the opposite, I make enough that I haven’t checked my bank account while making a purchase in a long time.
My friends are almost offended when I offer to cover dinners and nights out. I’m not trying to show off with my buddies, I just know $400-500 isn’t a lot to me and for them it’s a week’s pay but I really like hanging out with them.
So I try to compromise in that I’ll cover dinner if they cover bowling or something like that.
This is the way: equity.
I wonder, did you come up from a poor family?
I did, and my outlook now (from a secure financial position) is very similar to yours. Although I view my generosity as a kind of twisted love language haha
Yes, I was raised food and home insecure in my childhood and was pretty poor in my twenties.
It’s funny because I’m very generous with my friends, but won’t give my family a dime because they usually just want my money and don’t have time for me.
The more I make… Well nothing changes.
We have helped friends out on various occasions to varying degrees.
Nobody demands shit from us let alone asks. Ok well, asking to donate to a school thing maybe.
Idk what kind of weirdos surround you but that sucks. Do you live in a gold plated house in the suburbs or something? Or are the matching Bentleys in the garage tipping them off? :)
Sounds like a call to up the quality of peeps in your life?
Fucking this…
My dad had some great advice on this: if you lend money to a friend, never expect it back. That is, don’t give more than you can afford as a gift. If they get it back to you (which they usually will), well that’s a nice surprise. And if they don’t, well that’s a small price to pay to learn where you stack up in someone else’s priorities.
Your situation sounds exceptional though. I honestly have a hard time believing it. Are you just walking around with a diamond came and cash bulging out of your cargo pants? Wtf, why are so many people (acquaintances even??) hitting you up?
It sounds unreal.
In any case I bet you wouldn’t expect an actual friend to keep a back and forth ledger of petty expenses with you.
Setup:
- Good income
- Low cost of living area
- Dont live my wage
Result: Plenty of savings and investments
When people in a poor area who litterally dont have $50 in their bank account see you with 2 vehicles in the driveway (nothing fancy, just a car and truck) and do various projects to improve on your home, its not hard to put 2+2 together.
And when youve helped out friends in the past, they like to talk about how much you helped them.
And now youre a target.
You should never have spoken about your income or shown ostentatious purchases. Your problem is of own doing and is also related to the people you consort with.
This I can agree with. Started when I found out a friends wife needed surgery (not life threatening, but would remove a cronic pain from her life and she could start working again, big QoL improvement). They couldnt afford the upfront payments, so they were going to not going to do it. So I forwarded him the money so she could have it done, hes been good about paying me back, it is very very slow, but hes working at it so no worries. Wife mentioned to her/our friends how I helped, and it just went from there.
I should have known better and just let her suffer.
For some people at least, they get into the habit of being poor and it’s a hard habit to break. Just because you have a lot of money doesn’t change your mindset.
Honestly I think paying for other people’s stuff is the mentality of being poor. People without money help each other out because we know that our support network is other people, not our income.
Absolutely, they can’t afford to insulate themselves behind a wall of money. And recognise community will there for them even when the paycheques dry up or the rents go up.
Money is a way to get someone else to do something for you that they wouldn’t normally do for you, without really having to think of their needs or real reciprocation.
I’m in an industry where pay bands are public and everyone knows who makes what.
The easiest way to find out who’s a cheap fuck is to offer up and buy a round of coffee. Nine times out of ten, you’ll get a coffee back next time they’re swinging by. Happy days.
Even for the one in ten, it’s not a deal-breaker. If my round comes round again, then yeah everyone gets offered. Nine times out of ten, you’ll get one offered back.
If someone either doesn’t collar me privately and say “hey thanks for the coffee but don’t expect one back” or “sorry man, I don’t feel comfortable doing rounds” then that’s absolutely cool, I qint here to judge reasons - but if you take two coffees and offer fuck all, then that’s a cheap and easy way of finding out who’s not the giving kind. Even if someone was brave enough to say “dude I can’t afford a round” then I’d happily say “pipe down, these are on me then”.
I don’t judge them. I just don’t offer a coffee in future.
You need to stop buying 9 or 10 rounds of coffee. That’s hundreds of dollars. Buy better beans once and make 10 pots instead. Or get an espresso machine if you need to. It’s super easy, and more fun.
Honestly I’d love to have some logical, economic, or entertaining argument to debate you but I don’t have one - you’re right.
Problem is, we need to make 24/7 coverage of this task and honestly some people are just minging - we’ve come in to coffee pots with mould on the surface, and as much as I’m willing to become one with nature, that ain’t tickling my fancy.
We are however lucky enough to have an indie coffee shop in our local town so at least our pennies are going to a decent pocket, and in fairness the owner is a lovely bloke so I’m quite happy to plan my mortgage payments around him.
Point taken though, I appreciate it 😁
There’s a very simple solution to this problem, but you may not like it. Tell everyone the coffee pot needs to be washed every day and put up a sheet assigning the task to people. When that person washes the pot, they sign the sheet. If you have a camera in the break room, it’s even more effective.
Then you can see on the sheet who was supposed to wash the pot but didn’t (or did it poorly). It will not work with people who say it’s “not their job”, but at least the problem is clearly visible.
I started a new job in a secure building (I thought).
Coffee was crap so i brought in my Chemex pour over coffee maker. Made a pot and shared with my team often.
3 weeks in someone stole my Chemex off of my desk (I left it there).
No one offered anything to me even tho I’ve made them hundreds of dollars worth of coffee. And i didnt ask or hold it against them.
I was being nice. I didn’t have an agenda or test people. I lost my chemex. Shit happens. I bought a new one and kept it in my desk. Still kept making coffee for the fellas.
You’ll judge people for not wanting to drop a bunch of money on coffee for everyone? Just your own quiet expectations? Honestly kinda fucked up. You say you don’t judge but you literally do
Your choice of friends is a continuous choice.
Thinking your friend group is an encapsulation of society as a whole is your ignorance on display.
A bit silly comparing hourly wage to yearly wage. The barista just needs to work 22500 hours a year to earn the same… that’s not even three times the amount of hours in a year.
Nothing wrong with keeping an eye on your spendings, but stinginess is a trait of character I absolutely despise. And I say that as someone who’s had little money for most of their adult life.
“No, of course not”.
Hook me up with your friend’s employer frfr 🤣
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If you’re making 450k in IT, it’s not because you make the best coffee. Bait content
You missed the point of the post.
