Reminder that you don’t need to be married to have this.
As a recent divorcee: fuck this hurts.
Yeah, man. This isn’t what most marriages are and later on in life we realize this. People have this false idea marriage is some happy co-op mode and it’s mostly shit.
I have been married for 24 years and it’s been a mostly happy marriage. I also do consider my wife to be my best friend. But it’s silly to think that you will come home every day and be happy about dealing with another human, no matter who they are. Sometimes I will come home or my wife will come home and I won’t want to be around her because I won’t want to be around anyone. That’s just how life is. My wife is cool with it and I’m cool with when she wants the same.
Wife doesn’t love me, least not the way I love her. Just had the talk, this post is downright brutal right now.
Yeah, I’m just gonna give you a hug right now.
Yeah. Big hug.
People never stop changing. It’s the risk of making the commitment. You’re trying to join two winding creeks together with a piece of string. When things break up, it hurts, but it’s not failure, just change.
I’m pulling for you, we’re all in this together.
I’m really sorry. I just had a friend go through the same thing and I was counseling him last night. I will say something similar to you that I did to him:
It all seems awful right now, but you will get past it. Remember that there are other people in your life who love you even if it’s platonic love. On top of that, I had a good friend who was good looking and friendly, someone people enjoyed being around. He was single for 15 years. He got married in his mid-40s to someone I can tell he will be very happy with.
There’s always time to find love, even if you’ve lost the love you’ve had before.
Now granted, I have been married for more than two decades, so feel free to tell me to fuck off with this advice.
This post is going to make some people very sad and some people very happy and I guess I’m here for that. Life is alllll sorts of experiences, good and bad. Just gotta roll with it.
And some of us just, meh. Tried the co-op mode and found that the people I’m attracted to aren’t good for me. Now I’m just looking forward to retiring before I’m 50, and surfing. That and having tons of dogs that I foster and train to be good, and then adopt out. I’m not a good dog parent because I can’t see them as anything but needy toddlers. Therefore annoying. I can’t foster cats because I couldn’t adopt the cats out. The dogs are at least consistently needing the same repetition so that they become good dogs for some family out there.
I’m living that life and we’re not even married yet. 5 years since this June. Never been happier :)
The best part is you don’t even have to be married to have this
Ideally yes. This is me and Mrs. Warp Core and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
However…
Well, let me put it this way. Ever have a best friend that, after spending a lot of time around, you find out that you actually can’t stand more than a few hours at time? That is absolutely a possibility here. Only now their stuff is in your house (or vice-versa), and/or they’re on the same lease.
$0.02: It may not always be advisable, but absolutely benchmark the practical aspects of your romance long before tying the knot. Long-term co-habitation is not the only route here. Consider other ways to rack up large blocks of time: getaway vacations, long weekends, or even just “play house” for a few days at a time. You’d be amazed at what horrible, terrible, filthy, obnoxious habits your partner has when “at home.” The reality is that everyone is a bit (more) of a mess in private, and the only real question you have to answer is: “what am I willing to put up with?”
I took a getaway vacation with a woman I had been dating for 3 months. We got back and haven’t corresponded since then. That was a few years ago.
I still cannot fathom how anyone thinks it is a good idea not to do these things with another person before marrying them. My wife and I were both adamant that we live together and go on trips together and do “married” things long before we made that decision. I like to think we ironed out many of the early kinks without the pressure of “we’re married so this absolutely has to work” lingering over us.
My sister did this with her then boyfriend by canoeing down the Mississippi River.
until you grow old
Really hope they mean “as you grow old”.
We found Leonardo DiCaprio’s secret Twitter.
Isn’t this just phrasing it differently? “Until you’re old” doesn’t imply anything different than “as you grow old” to me.
Until means up to the point. The sentence implies a change at the point of being old.
Maybe it would be correct to think of it like “I was awake until dawn”, where you aren’t necessarily asleep after dawn, if you stay up you were up until dawn, and after dawn as well. edit: I’m done fighting the idiot who is Pyre. He’s an idiot who can’t read basic English.
you changed your entire comment because you realized it was nonsense. good on you.
you also went through my profile and replied random comments of mine from other threads to say fuck you and use the r-word like a totally normal, stable person who can handle a conversation about semantics. but you deleted those too, so good on you again. take care.
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no. I’m disagreeing with you on the wording.
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When I get old, I’m done.
Can’t wait for these comments to be depressing
They’re not wrong, but you’re not either. Nothing is perfect all the time and the OP statement really leaves a lot out. Been married for 20 years. Would do it all again. That’s what matters.
I was head-over-heels in love with my best friend when I was in my late teens/early 20’s. We had a short-lived romance. Turned out he was quietly suffering through severe depression and killed himself; it destroyed me for a long time.
However, I made a new best friend. We trauma bonded a bit, as he also went through a deep loss. We’ve been together for 10 years, 4 of them married. I love him to death. He’s my ride or die.
There are so many things couples put blinders on, but it’s important to always communicate. I’ve learned that though it’s really hard to express some of your deepest insecurities and feelings, it’s better to discuss the things that you’re struggling with, because a good partner isn’t perfect, yet they will love you, listen to your problems, accept your faults, and help you work on building a life together. Some days you’ll carry the heavier load, other days your partner will.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that a happy marriage takes effort from both partners, and even the most perfect couple has work to do. It’s important to be open about what’s important to you, especially if that changes over time. Everyone hits bumps in the road.
I can’t recommend therapy enough. For any reason. Life is worth living. It gets easier, and with the right support you can heal and grow.
It’s too expensive.
Do you mean therapy, a relationship, or both?
Therapy, unfortunately. Although relationships can be a little expensive, can’t they.
Indeed. Everything has an opportunity cost.
To those who feel saddened by this, always remember that you can be your own best friend. Treat yourself.
I’ve been married to my wife for 2 years, after being in a relationship with her for 6 years. Things weren’t always perfectly smooth sailing but we’ve managed to work things out. We sometimes have communication issues, which we’re working on, but at least we understand that it’s a weak point and any fights (which are hardly fights) don’t last very long.
She is quite literally my best friend, and I am so, so grateful to have her. We spend most of our time outside of work together and we never grow tired of each other. We always help each other out and cheer each other up when one of us has a bad day. Co-op campaign mode is a great way to put it.
I came out to her as trans shortly after we got married, when I suddenly realized how I felt about being the opposite gender. She was very supportive from the beginning, and although she was initially a little nervous when I started hormones, we’ve grown a lot closer and our love has grown so much stronger since I began to open up and be my authentic self. And for that, I can’t be grateful enough. Many couples I’ve seen where one comes out as trans end up splitting up, for one reason another, so I think I’m extremely lucky to have someone that can see past gender and love me for simply myself.
Well, one more reason to be sad about being unlovable :/
Same.
I only really ever had two goals in life and I managed to fail them stupendously:
1)Not be the guy who’s miserable every day and doesn’t want to wake up to go to work.
2)To be in a loving relationship.
1 is making 2 even more difficult. On second thought it’s like an ouroboros, 1 makes 2 more difficult which compounds the misery of 1 lol
same here. I should probably start blocking those types of posts. All they do is make my depression worse.
I bet it’d take one DnD session, night of drinking, or playing games over discord to find a hundred reasons you’re loveable. Lemme know if you ever want to game!
I don’t drink alcohol :/
That leaves two other suggestions in their comment!
I’m still not sure how that’s supposed to help in terms of being lovable.
So this blew my mind, but once I got beyond the whole “my ex doesn’t love me, she ruined my life” the whole thing of single 4eva disappeared. It turns out, you, as an individual, need to love yourself first, before anyone else can.
Know why? Cause only you can advocate for all of your qualities and issues.
I’m discovering a lot about me. I don’t have the time or energy for a significant other right now, so I should be single. Sure I have physical desires, but with creativity you can get through that.
Surprised this isn’t the first comment. That’s lot of us here.
Just love each other. Problem solved
Enjoy it for me, friends. I’m just an NPC.
