Because I don’t, and pretending to feels dishonest. I’ll listen if they want to talk about it, but I’m not going to act interested, and I certainly won’t ask about it on my own. What I’m trying to figure out is whether people actually care, or if they’re just playing a social game that I’m simply not interested in.
I’m probably on the autistic spectrum, which likely explains this to some extent. But that’s not an excuse - being an asshole is perfectly compatible with autism, so before dunking on me, please realise I probably agree with your criticism.
I don’t get all wrapped up in imagining sharing the experience or anything like that, but it’s always nice to get a factual update about the other person. And if they have something interesting to say about whatever it is, that’s good too.
As i got older, I cared more. I uses to listen politely, then I started to look forward to hearing about my friends and family lives. Now I’m one of those guys who calls to ask for updates. 😆
Yes I do care. The reason i care is because it makes me happy for them as a friend that they’re going through or went through an event that brought them joy or enriched their lives somehow.
If it’s a coworker then I’m usually doing it to be nice, but also because if you’re spending a considerable amount of time with your coworkers each day, you’ll probably have a more enjoyable work culture if you get to know your coworkers.
I’ll listen if they want to talk about it, but I’m not going to act interested
Yikes
Indeed. OP basically outing themselves as a self centered narcissist.
Not true. If you go through life being expected to act a certain way all the time that eventually takes a toll. OP is doing right by himself the same way everyone else does when they share things expecting they’ll get a narrow and specific reaction from people. If you want to throw around the n word that’s as good a place as any.
That’s a lot of words to rationalize total disinterest in the lives of people OP claims are their friends.
It’s an explanation, those use words.
It’s a hamfisted rationalization. Not an explanation.
Would you care to explain how friendship can exist between two people, if one of the parties has absolutely zero interest in the other?
That’s not friendship.
Not really I’m more just presenting an alternate explanation. Don’t mistake me for holding strongly to this opinion, but I do feel like calling OP out as a narcissist or whatever is an unfair snap judgment. People can be different and that doesn’t make them bad most of the time.
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Yeah.
I can’t be bothered to even pretend to care about the lives of people I claim to care about
I care that they care. I’m happy that they’re happy. I’m pleased that they took the time to share with me, if even indirectly.
Autistic and I don’t care, but I do listen and I try to do it well.
I used to not care.
Now after a few years in a men’s group, I actually care.
I’m a lot happier and mentally healthy than I was before too.
That’s what I found. I thought people were faking because I was cynical. Then I met healthy people and realized it’s actually ok to care and I was choosing not to care instead of choosing to care. Do I care all the time, absolutely not. But I’m getting better. I find I enjoy listening to people who are healthy have these conversations while looking at them without the cynicism.
I started to realize the small talk that a lot of people online complain about is a choice.
Honestly this is how I met my wife.
I used to get all preachy about how stupid Star Signs were and how dumb it was to watch heroine movies. But then, I was just tired of feeling so angry. I just started listening and approaching them from an understanding perspective.
My wife told me that was the only person who ever made her feel heard. and I’m also a lot happier!
where did you find a men’s group? I live in a rural area of the US so most men I meet are proudl ignorant/hateful trump fanatics
I, for one, absolutely LOVE it when people talk about things that excite them. I ask questions because I want to see them get even more excited or passionate. I would honestly be hurt by someone like the OP, only pretending to be interested, because then with no follow up questions or anything, I would assume the conversation is going nowhere and would probably stop even trying to interact with them.
I specifically wont pretend to be interested. You’ll notice that I’m not - that’s why I wont ask in the first place.
I think I’m a bit like you since I do that too. Everyone (even at work) knows that I don’t want to see baby pictures and I’m not excited about a baby. I don’t think much about having kids but parents usually really really love their kids immediately, even before they are born, and if they are close friend or family then I am ok vibing with that for their sake.
The only time I’ve actually felt positively about it is when my best friend told me they were having a baby. It took me a moment but I thought then felt that I was able to be happy because he was happy and his partner (who I also like) is happy, and then it took me a few days of thinking about it that part of me was also picking up on this excitement because I wonder what my best friends kid will be like. And it’s only because I care about him and his life a lot. I’m not close to my sister and have never felt those feelings before about babies/parents.
Yes, if friends. Unless they are repeating themselves, I’m going to be interested at least a little. Coworkers, no. I’ll be polite and sympathetic but if it is not related to work I am unlikely to be interested and will try to bring the conversation back to work topics or end the conversation as soon as I can without being rude. Randos, maybe but probably not. I’ve met lots of interesting people and am always kind of interested in hearing about the human experience from anyone who want to share theirs, but really I think I got too old or jaded for that. I avoid interacting with random strangers if its a choice now, and am always at least a little skeptical of whatever bullshit someone I don’t know has to say to me. I try not to be rude expressing my disinterest but I will be if it feels appropriate or necessary.
No, but I’m depressed most of the time so I don’t really care about a lot.
For some stuff I don’t care, some other makes me jealous and some other is actually cool to discover/learn (think of some new place to have lunch/dinner or some hobby you didn’t know about your friend).
But in general I am with you, and I also feel like most people liking and commenting are playing the social game.
I am not very active in social networks, though…
A baby and a vacation aren’t comparable.
Do I “care” about every little detail of their vacation? No, but I’m glad they are happy and had a good time.
People like to talk about their experiences, it’s not really a game.
About a new baby? Yes, show me pictures. Also your new kittens, kitchen, a cake you made, a painting you painted, sure, yes.
Vacation not so much.
But these weaker social connections are so important to life and to society. You can’t sort people into friends or strangers, care and don’t care. There is a lot of room in between - people you know but aren’t close with are most of the people you know. It doesn’t matter if you are just following the forms, that’s fine. Keep on doing that, be nice.
I love how half the answers are “Tell me about your vacation, forget the baby.” And the other half are “OOOOH A BABY! Who cares about where you went!”
My friend? I care. Randos? Fuck no.
