• splinterA
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    1 year ago

    This means there is a significant waiting list of at least 3 months before a technician can attend. Of course, you can skip the queue by paying an additional $499.99 for priority service

    • AliceOPMA
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      1 year ago

      Then you have to fight off the technicians drug dealer Lil Craig because he owes him exactly 499.99 that he took out of Lil Craig’s stash. If you survive gun shots in point blank range, then the technicians obwella (Mexican slang for aunt OB-WELL-AH) will only allow the service for installation if you marry the tech.

      • splinterA
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        1 year ago

        You do have the option of just paying a small extortion fee of $300 for Lil Craig to leave you alone. The Obwella is $200 extra for marriage cancellation. This can be conveniently pre-paid when you place your order.

        • AliceOPMA
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          1 year ago

          After this, you can’t find the glasses anywhere. It’s stated in the instructions that if the glasses are not set in the moonlight every night during dusk, they evaporate into water vapor.

          • splinterA
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            1 year ago

            You have the option of getting the glasses made out of a different material that doesn’t have such stringent maintenance requirements, however this will cost you $400 extra.

            • AliceOPMA
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              1 year ago

              The waiting period for a new shipment is 11 months.

              • splinterA
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                1 year ago

                Unless you decide to cover an additional $199 priority shipping fee, in which case it gets dispatched in 3-5 working days.

                • AliceOPMA
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                  11 months ago

                  However, the cleaning crew maintenance team neglected their duties in the shipping containers for 6 months prior.

                  Cause an infestation of a highly infectious skin eating disease that has contaminated everything.

                  Logistics has gone to a screeching halt. All parcels have been incinerated to prevent further exposure.

                  To make matters worse.

                  Kenith, the breakless shatterproof glasses employee who delivered the glasses to the shipping company.

                  Contracted the disease and spread it throughout the company.

                  Everyone died. And as a precaution, all manufacturing supplies to make the glasses have also been incinerated to prevent further spread of the disease.

                  More tragically, there was only one instruction manual in the world on how to create these glasses that was also burned in the fire.

                  Now there is no way to replicate a replacement in any manner.

                  • splinterA
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                    11 months ago

                    However, in exchange for a modest $5 million investment we will rebuild the company from scratch and manufacture your glasses. We promise, sign here: