My parents sent me abroad (New Zealand) in January due to the situation in our country and honestly even after almost a year here I still feel homesick and lonely even though I’ve made some friends.
i went through a breakup a few years back and spent like 2 years just alone at my house. didn’t interact with any friends, didn’t seek out any romantic interests. nothing, just coding video games and work basically.
after a while, i started getting interested in social contact again. so i started going to kava bars. every night after work i’d go hang out a couple of hours at a kava bar. started meeting people, having a social life. i got on tinder, met some girls. started dating one of them
moral of the story?
sometimes in life you have phases. it’s OK to be alone for a while. but when you feel like you don’t want to be alone anymore, go out to a place where there are people. i don’t know how the kava scene is in new zealand… i’d imagine you get pretty good stuff because you’re smack dab in the middle of the pacific island region.
but to me kava bars are great because a) i don’t like alcohol or people who are drunk and b) you get an interesting scene of “alternative” people who don’t necessarily mash with the standard mainstream ideals of what youre “supposed to be” or “supposed to do”
so that worked for me but may not work for you. maybe you like chess. maybe you like card games. maybe you like drinking beer and playing pool. or bonsai.
whatever the hell you like, there’s something out there so just go to social events regularly and the rest will solve itself
I think finding a community of people from your country might help alleviate some of the homesickness.
Maybe check/follow your ambassador social media and see if they have any event?
Along the same vein, if there’s a meal that always brings back good memories, make that. And if you’re comfortable sharing, invite some of your friends to eat it with you.
The same goes for activities - is there a game or something you did a lot back home? Could you teach some friends in NZ how to do it?
Finally, if possible, can you set up a regular time to play games online with friends or family back home?
Get a dog.
Tinker with electronics.
Play and listen to music.
Find people going through the same as you. Universities are full of homesick people.
Be grateful for the peace that comes with solitude and embrace it.
I used to bury myself under a copious amount of videogames. Unlike what one could expect, mostly online but never engaging with people (I’ve never engaged with the rather common habit of inviting people to duo / coop / join the party after a good performance, having stranger’s voices invade my head and other rather normal experience for 2024).
I guess it worked, to an extent, because it kept me busy.
On the long run I never said no to any chance of socialization that arised from work (I guess School would be the equivalent here).
It can leave you vulnerable to rejection, or rather unentusiastic spotty invites, but it should eventually lead to a couple of lifetime friendship, possibly more if you are not as caustic as me.
Your gaming experience sounds similar to mine. I used to love MMOs (probably to the point of addiction tbh) but wouldn’t talk to people if I could help it. I don’t really play MMOs anymore, but now that also means I can avoid public matchmaking like poison.
It’s something about the anonymity of the internet, the unlikelihood of encountering each other again, or just the frustration present in some games which turns people into the nastiest sort of keyboard warrior.
And now I’m on Lemmy. The irony mounts.
It seems there’s a trend of pushing games towards community. And I’m sure that’s great for the people who like that sort of thing. But typically I want to play in a private lobby with my friends, and not have strangers running around goofing on me in public zones.
That’s not to say I don’t appreciate a good goof, I just want to goof on my terms
Old people love to talk.
Lemmy for that parasocial bond, discord for chitchatting with some people I often game with, and the occasional phone call to people I used to live closer to.
EFIT: Oh, and Matrix for a more “realtime” equivalent to Lemmy.
What? I think this is awful advice. Social media is not real friends… It’s just Randoms.
To the OP : find hobbies you like and go to them. It’s the best way to meet people you will like.
This is the right answer. Pick something you like, find a real-life group that does it and go do that with them.
Worst case scenario, you have to be nice to people you don’t like for a couple of hours doing something you like or believe in. Best case scenario you have a great time and meet like-minded people. It’s usually somewhere on the best-side of that spectrum.
What exactly is “our country”?
Russia
Ouch, you poor bastard. You have my sympathies. Hope your folks are okay also.
Nah, I don’t believe my family or I have what to be pitied for. We’re the privileged ones. Only a very tiny minority can afford to send their kids to the other side of the Earth for safety in case something were to go down. My sympathies are with the people dying on the frontlines and with the people suffering.
i went abroad as an immigrant too. some of the best friends I made were fellow immigrants from various countries. I got to know the Russian ones best and we are still in touch 20y later
May God grant you many years.
Ah.
Well, remind yourself that theres a war going on and maybe don’t get too homesick. I don’t know how long you can stay abroad, but treat it as temporary and make the memories last. As another commenter said, you can talk to strangers online if you still feel lonely.
And if you don’t have much to talk about, think about if you have any movies or tv show you love, or want to discuss. You can often find a subreddit (please forgive me for recommending Reddit, I know Lemmy doesn’t like talking about Reddit) about the tv show / movie, and discuss with strangers about it. Its fun to talk about theories or give opinions on which characters you like, if you side with certain organizations in the fictional universe or oppose them, etc. There are also many hobby based subreddits which you can talk to strangers about. Just stay away from the political subreddits, those are quite toxic.
This may seem very “parasocial” but like there are some youtubers that are quite wholesome watch. My favorite is Jacksepticeye. Its mainly a gaming youtube channel with variety of stuff. He never had any major controversies and his commentary is quite interesting and humorus.
Do you happen to like cats? I have a cat and its quite uplifting and helps with my depression. I mean it doesn’t cure depression, it helps me feel less lonely. I mean I got my cat because one night I just felt lonely and so I went looking for cats in shelters and met my cat. Consider adopting a cat, if you have the means to do so. They’re fun!
My first instinct would be to lean on whatever digital stuff got you through covid?
Or maybe there’s drop in sessions of whatever hobbies you enjoy doing with folks? I’ve met a lot of awesome immigrants playing rec league soccer.
Having read the other comments, is there much of a Russian community where you are? Even restaurants or some such?
I personally notice that for me, the usage of media in the respective language is extremely important.
Я надеюсь, для тебя ок если я пишу на русском. У меня где-то похожая ситуация - я родился в Германии, но вырос у русскоязычных родителей. С началом войны очевидно много культурных звязей развалилось. Мне очень сильно помогает слушать подкасты людей с похожими политическими позициями - например Радио Свобода или Новая Газета. Прямо сейчас, пока я пишу этот коммент, я слушаю песню Деда Архимеда про Курск. Мне лично это очень помогает.
Я считаю, что очень важно сохранять связь с твоими традициями и твоей культурой, даже если страна идёт в жопу. Я искренне понимаю, что тебе не хватает связи с твоим городом, обществом и культурой - это очень больно. Ты не один с этим чувством.
Are you old enough to work? Finding a job where a good proportion of coworkers are extroverted can do wonders. If you’re an introvert you’ll feel uncomfortable at times, but the trick is not to reject their attempts to establish contact.
I go to school at the moment. That’s what I’m focusing on.
What if they don’t attempt to establish contact and you are stuck on the sidelines forever? Been with my company for 10 years but never did anything with any coworkers outside of working hours. Never been invited to anything either.
True it sucks and it happened to me as well. But I tend to change jobs every 2-3 years. Companies are wildly different about how much socializing is expected or desirable. Or if you’re placed in a team where you click with people.
Unfortunately it’s a lottery and you don’t know until you’ve been there for ~ 6 months.
