I think they are us from the future

I’m firmly of the belief that aliens are watching behind cloaking devices and eating their version of popcorn while taking bets on how we blow ourselves to hell.

Not we. It was Jeffery Epstein. Aliens wanted to meet the smartest human. So they came down to Epstein Island to meet Stephen Hawking. Jeffery mistook them for kids (the Greys are short, everyone knows that).

After Jeffery got to know that the “kids” he raped were actually aliens, he was very apologetic. He tried to explain the issue, but the aliens were too traumatised. They went back to Kepler-22b for a few months.

After Jeffery got put in prison, the aliens came back for revenge. They used a mind control device to make Jeff hang himself.

So in conclusion, Jeff was not killed by his rich pervert friends (oh god, why would you even say that). It was the aliens (no, not the “illegal transgender aliens” Trump keeps talking about)

Quagmire: so, are you guys gonna probe me?

Alien: what!? No, we stopped doing that ages ago.

Quagmire: do you still have the thing for it?

Maybe they want more.