Science was cooler when you had to use a screwdriver.

(This ad paid for by Demon Core Ltc.)

Well there are some video game ones.

I think that was the point. To be silly.

Yes to all of those.

Source, my time in the Army.

Don’t forget your gun. America is extremely dangerous but only if you’re unarmed. All the criminals and cops can smell if you have a gun and they’ll be too afraid to do anything to you if you have one.

Also you can’t trust our water, so it’s purely Soda and Budweiser while you’re here. Locals might tell you to eat at local restaurants but their stomachs are habituated. You’ll need to stick to McDonald’s. Luckily there is one on every single corner.

If you get injured you should avoid using an ambulance as they will take you directly to a hospital. In the US that’s just where we go to die. You need to drive yourself to an Urgent Care doctor. If you can’t drive yourself and have to use an ambulance then there is a complimentary memorial wreath that can be sent to your family. Along with the invoice for your death care of course.

The US is smaller than it appears on maps. This is because most maps are not American centric and have to expand the US to show the ratio properly. You might have budgeted multiple days to travel between the coasts but you really can just do New York one day and the Grand Canyon the next day.

Did I miss anything? Oh yeah it’s traditional to make a bomb joke with the customs agent as you come into the country. Especially if you can manage a middle eastern accent. All of us do it. It’s a grand joke.

Multiplayer gaming. I love games like Foxhole and they usually have a bit of trouble on Linux.

Until the AI stuff I would have loved to get an upgrade. Now… Not so much. And good thing my computer doesn’t qualify due to their arbitrary standards.

Abraham Lincoln

Well I didn’t just mix the two. I put chili over macaroni noodles. Then I add cheese until it’s just the right mix. The heat of the two causes the cheese to melt into a sauce nicely and everyone can control the mix. I’ve had stuff where people put canned chili over velveeta mac and cheese and it made me want to vomit so it’s definitely something that has to be done right.

Whoa now. Whoever said Syrup doesn’t belong on waffles should be kept away from sharp objects.

That’s ChiliMac and we’re going to have to fight now because that’s the highest expression of Chili known to man.

All of them in severe grogginess crayon writing on construction paper. So they know as soon as they open it.

Dude, if we tariff coffee I will personally write a strenuous letter to Trump. In crayon, and strenuous because I won’t have had my coffee.

Mmm, the most profitable side for themselves or their donors.

Consistency was never their strong point.

I’m so sorry. We really need universal healthcare.

Yup, I know.

I think a lot of Americans are wary of Oxy now. I was in a car crash and the first thing I told the paramedics was, “no narcotics”. I deal with enough in my life, I did not need a drug dependency too.

Americans just tell you it’s a slight headache. In reality their back is so screwed up it’s going to require surgery but they can’t afford that and complaining about actual pain is strictly forbidden in American men.

So we take 200 400 800 1600 Motrin, with some bourbon, and ignore it as best as we can.

The more you delude yourself, the more you erode any chance of a DNC victory in 2028.