Just one?

Well, if you had more than one, you’d find that they are all different, with different personalities, and you wouldn’t be so quick to assume you know all guinea pigs because of your experience with your sole pig.

Apparently it will herald an era of crappy horror movies.

Guinea pig bites are the worst.

It’s not the force of the bite, although it does hurt (they bite through wood after all). It’s the humiliation from having one of the most fragile, easy to kill pets decide that it can express its displeasure by biting your hand.

Damn little meat potato. The only reason you can even bite me is because you’re so damn fragile I can’t risk dropping you. Also, the reason I’m holding you is to trim your nails because you don’t wear them down naturally since you live your entire life on padded flannel blankets. Where do you even get off having displeasure to express?

If you weren’t so damn cute, you’d be on the grill.

I think it would be more useful to dramatically increase taxes on unoccupied or AirBnB properties. Increase penalties on slumlord behavior. Similar things to gently (or not so gently) discourage people from hoarding residential real estate.

Otherwise, if someone was renting my house and they wanted to buy it at $100/month, it would probably take more than 800 years to buy (if I could afford to get it into shape to maximize the appraisal).

Also, why did the monkeys have herpes?

Musk offered them a horse to have sex with him, but you know, people who would trade sex for a horse aren’t necessarily the most discriminating of sexual partners.

I’m just going to drop this here:

https://whywontgodhealamputees.com/

So is the pond in my yard that I created 25 years ago, but then neglected for most of the last 10 years a swamp or a marsh?

There’s not a lot of woody crap growing in it, but there is a tree that sprouted at one end that I’ve been trying to kill.

Am I wrong to find this horrifying?

I came here looking to see if anyone would point out that they are toy animals, not real ones.

Eyelash bugs.

And she ended up suing

https://www.thethings.com/mel-brooks-was-sued-by-hedy-lamarr-10-million-joke-in-blazing-saddles-how-much-he-paid/

“Previously Dead” sounds like they no longer are.

What they thought was that they had come up with a way to move the checkout cashier job to people in India so they wouldn’t have to pay minimum wage workers in the U.S.

Pretty stupid idea, but it seems to me that it was just Amazon trying to ship jobs overseas to cut labor costs. Perhaps they thought eventually they’d be able to use AI to screw over the Indian workers too.

What does 30 years of broken sleep do?

My wife is on disability.

We worked with an attorney to submit the application and go through the process. When she initially applied, she was denied, as I would guess most people are.

She gathered paperwork and submitted it for the appeal. We had a hearing scheduled, and on the day of the hearing, I took the day off work to take her into the city.

When we got to the lobby of the building, we walked up to the security desk told the guard where we were going. Without looking up he asked which one of us was applying for disability, but before we could answer he looked up and said, “oh. She is”, which seemed a bit unnecessary to me, but it gives you an idea of her situation.

So we get up to the office where the hearing would take place, and we check in, and there is a bit of confusion.  My wife's attorney goes to talk to them, and comes back to say that our hearing was cancelled.  He said he's waiting to talk to the judge to find out what's going on.

When the judge comes out, she apologizes and says someone was supposed to contact us to let us know the hearing was cancelled.  She said she had reviewed the paperwork and decided in my wife's favor so the hearing was unnecessary.

When the attorney told us, he said it was pretty amazing because the judge rejects *every* appeal.  He didn't want to tell us that before the hearing because he didn't want us to give up, but he said he wasn't expecting it to succeed.


Now, my wife submitted the same information in the initial application.  If that information was enough to convince the judge we didn't need to bother with the appeal hearing to approve her disability, why the hell was the initial application rejected?

Last time I was on a beach, I dropped a fry and a seagull grabbed it.

Obviously, I didn’t want a fry covered with sand, so I didn’t mind. However, I discovered that the seagull who got the first fry would chase off any other seagulls that came to bother me. Each time I saw him doing that, I’d “drop” another fry.

I hired a seagull body guard with French fries.

That bird was absolutely on top of that situation. After a little while, the other seagulls all gave up and left me alone, so he didn’t even have to do any more work for the fries, just stand watch.

Edit: Of course, this was on the US East Coast, and seagull relations are a little different on this side of the pond. I understand there might still be some sore feelings over there after the seagull wars. Some wounds take longer to heal.

Luckily, if you try to eat a polar bear liver, the polar bear will stop you.

But don’t worry, human liver is safe for polar bears to consume.

The place where I work has an emergency alert public address system. I heard them test it once. It sounded a bit like the first part of the tripod sound from War of the Worlds:

https://youtu.be/jzY099ihULs

I think it wouldn’t take more than a couple blasts from that before I’d evacuate something.