A couple of weeks ago I pulled out without looking, this is the second time this has happened since I have started driving, a car flipped and ever since than all I get is bad news, nothing has been good. My friends are more distant, I considered sucide a couple of days ago and my friends stopped me. I recently found out I am getting sued on top of everything. I just feel like I deserve bad things and my existance will be pain for as long as I keep walking this earth. I work a souless retail job, and my friends are tired of hearing me complain cause it’s easier than their jobs.
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/cd407ae9-2199-4fc7-8a79-0c634d04510d.jpeg
This seems apt.
So, bad things happen, absolutely. Sometimes, they go in a run. I’ve had some epically shitty times in my life, and it just seems like they pile on. But… Things also change. I had an absolute nightmare job for 19 years. My Dad died. I got sick. I got laid off. I went back to school. It sucked, so bad! But then, I got an internship. It was awesome! I made friends. The reduced stress let me kick my illness. Now, I’m almost done school, and I have a really good chance of getting full time work at that internship. We’ll see. The point is, things go in cycles. It’s so cliche, but it’s true that it’s always darkest before dawn. Hang in, find your joy. It’ll change.
I have been waiting 12 years nothing has ever gotten better short things lead to long term truama it seems
Nothing ever got better by simply waiting.
But it still might get better. How pissed would you be if you killed yourself, went to god or whatever and found out that if you just stuck it out a bit longer you would have turned the corner on this shit and finally figured out how to make life make sense and feel right.
It sounds like a joke, but I mean it seriously. How much suffering have you been through? Are you really going to let it mean nothing? How angry that has to make you feel, knowing that if you had just struggled a bit longer it could have meant something…
This is a line of thought I use myself. Not sure if it’s healthy or not, but here it is.
So, driving is just not the type of activity that humans meant for. No one is perfect and no one pays 1000% attention. Make a small mistake, a tiny lapse in attention, and people can die.
In that vein I dont blame you. I dont blame anyome except the auto industry (and the truly negligent drivers, which, is most of them I guess). I hope that’s helpful.
Please drive carefully. I know that it can be hard to feel like it matters sometimes, but there are people to whom it could be the moment that ruined everything.
Nothing is more precious than life. It isn’t always obvious until it’s too late. We’re going to be going through some bad times, but we’ve been surviving our own foolishness for eons, and we’ve never been smarter.
Take care, and he’s hoping for you for a brighter future. /hug I feel like I already ruined my life, the second I sat in the driver seat that day my life was over, everything was over.
Besides all the normal things one would tell you about having better mental health during times of stress/crisis, I’d offer what tends to work for me personally, as an aside/data-point, if nothing else.
When running away from the “monster”, don’t run in a straight line away from it, take 90 degree turns.
Try to change your scene, even if its just for hours at a time.
For example, go to the store, buy your favorite ice cream, then go to the beach/lake/park, and just sit, watching the waves/water/trees, listening to life, and eat some of that favorite ice cream.
Do a reset on your brain. Remember that Life is not just what you described in your post.
Then relook at your situation. Remember other situations in the past when you had difficulty/crisis, but then you made it through that. Remind yourself that bad situations that you are in can change, and become better ones.
More long term, if some things are constantly sorrowful for you, try to change them, even if its hard to do. Find that different job, meet new people, etc.
Also, try not to reach out to your friends 24/7, as you’ll burn them out, and they’ll be more distant from you (that’s just human nature). Its a ‘boy who cries wolf’ scenario to them, but to you the ‘wolf’ is real. You can’t wait and constantly ask to be rescued by others (as how they would perceive it), sometimes you have to bootstrap it yourself, which starts with seeking help, either self, or professional.
Take care, and he’s hoping for you for a brighter future. /hug
It’s pretty clear your friends care deeply about you. And negativity bias is a real thing. Trying out gratitude journaling might help you see the good things in your life. If you want to be closer to your friends, do something about it. Reach out more. Invite them over. Let them know how much you value them.
I’m in the same kinda problem with wanting to unalive myself. Only real reason I don’t is I’m not afraid of dying Im afraid of surviving as it’s like statistics 10% chance I’ll be able to do it and 90% chance I’ll end up in the hospital, and my God the healthcare system treats people who try really badly and then I’ll won’t be able to pay rent. Then just everything will go bad…
So the main reason for me to not try to unalive my self is because is a huge statistics that’s ill survive. And don’t get me started on what would my body be and my brain state afterwards depending on how I would try I might loose eyes, legs, shit would make my life incredibly hard to live with…
So yeah I’m with you, been disabled and unable to get any social security for 10 years and every second is a struggle. Only real thing I can do to resist is to live on and fuck them all.
You can default on medical debt.
