I go with my gf to her grandmas lake house every year, and while its relaxing and fun, I absolutely notice a change in her demeanor, I find I have to walk on eggshells around her and every other thing I say or do seems to be wrong and warrants nagging. I have confronted her about this but she seems to deny any change in behaviour is happening and just retorts with “well I told you xxx!”
Obviously her family is stressing her out but it kills me that she won’t acknowledge that, especially since I’m such a straightforward person who likes to discuss what’s going on. And that shes such a family girl on top of that. I’m planning on marrying her but i m just not sure how to discuss this particular point of contention with her first, because it’s one of the few things she’ll get actually defensive about
Update, so we talked, she admitted she had been acting rather tersely, apparently she and her whole family is because her grandma seems to be getting more and more delusional each year and its putting strain on everyone, I told her I understand I just wanted some transparency.
She took it pretty well but to be expected there was some mopiness after the fact because she felt so bad, after cheering her up with daily dose of internet videos in the tent were back and ready to face things again
Thanks for the update, OP.
Family stuff like this is often tricky. If you’re going to start a conversation about it, I would frame it as you want to put your best foot forward and come across the way she wants you to, and that you’re looking for clarification on how to best do that. I would write down a few specific examples in advance that you can point to while unpacking them together so you can avoid generalizations which would just derail the conversation and start a fight.
Stay far away from the word nagging lol 😂
Good luck! 🤞
Yeah you make a point, ill frame this as “I really am not sure how you want me to act around your family”
My wife does the same thing. We’ve been married for 10 years and over time I learned that her family is fairly emotionally abusive and it was more of a coping mechanism. Still happens, but we rarely deal with that part of her family now.
Couples counseling my dude. There is probably way more shit there to unpack than you are qualified to handle. A good therapist will be incredibly helpful in many ways, but especially because they are a neutral party. They can bring things up or make suggestions that you can’t, at least without being resented.
It’s worth the money. And it’s easier and faster if you do it BEFORE it becomes a huge issue.
It’s worth the money. And it’s easier and faster if you do it BEFORE it becomes a huge issue.
I’ll even underscore that this is worth it even if you aren’t having problems yet. You can learn about each other from a professional that has no horse in the race. You can learn the tools of communication to avoid all kinds of misunderstandings and hurt feelings. There’s no reason to be self conscious or embarrassed. None of us are issued an instruction manual on relationships. Why NOT hire a professional to get understanding in place?
I wish my ex husband and i had done couples counseling. I sabotaged that relationship because i just didn’t have the words to tell him how i needed to act a certain way in front of my very MAGA parents. He also had to pressure me into going to Thanksgiving and Christmas, and just couldn’t understand why.
For me this would be a red flag. I agree with other comments that it’s worth an attempt to work something out, but I’d be watching how a potential life-long mate acts around others too. There’s a saying: “How she treats the waiter is how she’ll treat you in a few years.”
Yeah idk if you read the “I plan to marry her” part.
Keep your ‘get out while you can’ attitude out of here, this isnt reddit
Actually I did notice that part. I’m sorry if my warning hit a nerve. Sometimes it’s good to re-evaluate plans, even when it’s painful.
