We don’t care if you’re gay - just say it.

  • airrowEnglish
    5·
    9 months ago

    “just looking for my partner in crime”

    S P O U S E

  • LovstuhagenEnglish
    2·
    9 months ago

    I want to just say “Are you gay and you want to hide it? Is that why you use that word?”

    But I have some semblance of etiquette.

  • splinterAEnglish
    1·
    9 months ago

    I’ve used partner, spouse implies you’re married and “girlfriend” sounds too childish for a grown ass man. If we’re engaged it’s “fiancee”, if we’re married it’s “wife”, “partner” works fine for everything else.

    I think the fact that it’s ambiguous is a bonus, it helps weed out people who are obsessed with the sexuality of others.

      • splinterAEnglish
        2·
        9 months ago

        🤣 Isn’t that the chief complaint against “partner” though, that it doesn’t reveal gender?

        • Scruffy_NerfherderOPEnglish
          2·
          9 months ago

          Side point: the whole end to this schtick is to put people in impossible situations so they can cry victim when people make the inevitable miscalculation. If someone walks in wearing a muscle shirt long hair, five-o-clock shadow and a mini skirt, what the hell am I supposed to call you?

          If a person defy’s all social norms then the onus is on them to make things clear. Saying partner, is a deliberate attempt to obfuscate things.

          Fortunately I’m not in a position where I have these conversations much anymore.

          Maybe I’ll just call them on it, oh hell, I’ll do it too, because eff civil discourse, that’s why.

          • splinterAEnglish
            2·
            8 months ago

            I’m sure it’s like that for some people, but those people will use anything to put you in that situation, like the famous “It’s m’am!” douche.

            All I’m saying is normal people use “partner” too, for non malevolent reasons.

            If someone’s trying hard to be a screecher, then by all means call them out, they don’t get called out enough.

        • Scruffy_NerfherderOPEnglish
          2·
          9 months ago

          Exactly. Maybe I should force the issue in the future and just assume it is a normal pairing.

          How it feels to me is that the other person is being coy and only partially revealing their life to me, which puts me in the position of making a faux pas no matter what I say. They aren’t having a conversation in good faith and they put all the work on me.

          If they don’t want to get into it, say friend, if they want to go over the top then they can say ‘the dude I’m banging.’ Saying partner is disingenuous and really is self serving.

          Basically, I want to be polite and courteous. By using the word partner the other person makes it impossible for me to be polite or courteous.

          So, again, I can assume a normal pairing, or just abruptly end the conversation right there.

          • splinterAEnglish
            2·
            8 months ago

            I mean, I assume it’s a normal pairing unless I’m told otherwise, statistically I’d be right the vast majority of the time.

            Fair enough, there are people out there who try to deliberately trick you into saying something they can be outraged about. That’s certainly not why I use it, it’s just a word that works and I don’t care to go into the personal details of my life with anyone anyway.

            “Friend” is just as ambiguous though.

            I don’t see why you can’t be polite and courteous if someone used partner, for me it’s just a sign that I should avoid conversation about their personal life in general, I don’t find anything wrong with that. Not everyone likes sharing the details of who they’re with, how long they’ve been together, etc, especially if you’re someone they’ve just met.