Been homeless over 6 years. My social services agency, high turnover. Being female , almost all my case managers have been female, standard practice.
Out of 17 case managers, only 2 have been male. Female cms: detailed, logical, responsive, solution oriented, clear effective communication. Male cms, the opposite.
I try to communicate clearly, effectively, which is easy cuz autism, and the 2 male cms, i get constant 2nd guessing, passive-aggressive defensiveness. Get impression they’re automatically assuming I don’t think clearly, don’t know what I’m saying. It’s weird, and I can’t figure out why.
I know not all men are the same. I’m not like all women. Have I just been unlucky with these 2 cms, or is there a gender aspect to this I’m not understanding? I’d like to learn.
I spent a bit of time going through your post history to get an understanding of your background
In short I think your life experiences mean you’ve lost all trust in men. Not just your direct experiences but what you’ve observed in others.
As a result you enter each interaction assuming the worst. Every male social worker you engage with will confirm this pattern because that’s what you’re looking for. The - ah fuck here we go again - feeling.
For them, and I don’t expect you to have empathy for them, this is what they live - the outcomes of other mens behaviours. But - they were there and they tried. That is something.
You have changed quite a lot of your original post.
Thank you for this clarity. I hope the upvotes here aid your comment in maintaining visibility so that others, along with OP, can find the healing in such honesty.
A sample size of two is meaningless.
Exactly.
Two X in the same office - why are the X in this office this way?
This is called begging the question.
Probably unlucky.
Try to recall whether you acted uncomfortable in your initial interaction with them. The first one due to surprise of them being the first male social worker working on your case. The second due to the unpleasantness with the former. The first impression usually sets the tone of a conversation, so there may have been a misunderstanding which then solidified into prejudice.
Or they were jaded asshole. Who knows.
It’s not emotional, social. It’s mostly text communication. Like, “I’ll meet you at the front gate 215pm.” Female cm, we meet at the front gate 215pm. Male cm, 15 min later, im still waiting, then angry text from him saying he’s waiting somewhere else.
Ty for your objective response, btw.
He sounds like a miserable person to have to deal with.
passive-aggressive defensiveness
Um, what?
If you had 17 case workers, then I guess 16 weren’t a good fit for you, not only 2.
I text him. Ask him to tell doctor to fax insurance approval to pharmacy. Instead of doing that, he spends the next 3 hours sending me a series of texts criticizing me, telling me it’s my fault, not his, repeatedly pointing out, trying to get me to admit how irrational I was being.
All I’d said was “at the pharmacy. Can you tell the doctor to resend the insurance approval please?”
What the hell! I thought the previous example was miserable, this is even worse! Does he have a supervisor you can report him to? That’s not acceptable behavior for a person in his position.
Maybe it’s also industry-specific? I wonder if women more commonly get into the field out of a desire to help, and men get into it out of a desire to be employed.
Again, just spit balling.
Haha men bad.
Reading comprehension bad.
He was just spit balling
If he’s right, then I’m definitely bad guy.
Idk how this post isn’t in the red already for either the obvious troll post or just because of sexism. Stop trying to stir whatever pot of shit you’re stirring by pretending you don’t understand some “gender aspect” considering you claim these two people give you the impression that you don’t think clearly which implies you know you think clearly and aren’t an idiot.
Please be aware that Lemmy is, more often than not, extremely hostile and/or defensive towards female-centric issues or experiences, regardless of validity.
Edit: These downvotes tell me that folks are denying that this is an issue. Maybe y’all should ask / listen to women about what their experience has been discussing female-centric topics on Lemmy.
Yeah. Thought posting this to no stupid questions would be OK. No luck.
It’s because the male ones believe their courses have informed them, and turned them into “knowledge experts” who know better than you. Where as female case managers believe their courses have made them better at connecting people to their resources and practices.
In short, whether conscious or not, the courses they do have different gendered outlooks and effects of participants.
One group becomes entitled ro superiority, and the others becomes a more connected listener.
But it might also be because men lack the lived experience most compatible with your own, and it’s possible they’re better at providing for male clients.
…but really I think women are just likely better at the job, and more likely to be sensitive to the needs of others in a more consistent and accurate manner.
I don’t think you’re imagining things at all. In my experience, women and gay men tend to be more empathetic.
That said, I just wonder how those men CMS behave towards other men, and how different you’d be treated by women CMSs if you were a man.
Also, I found this review that compares the differences in empathy between males and females[*]. I don’t have the time or energy for it, but it could be a place to start if you want to learn about the research on this.
Studies have shown women in health care are better listeners than men. This may be true of social workers as well. But 2 jerks doesn’t really establish correlation.
In my own personal experience, I’m also autistic. I have found over my decade’s that statistically in my life men tend to be really sexist and often time belittle and think there superior to women and non-binary people. Often times in my medical appointments and such, I always request a women or non binary person as every time I had a man they just didn’t listen or cared and tend to guess for me instead of listening to me.
Your thoughts are valid and reasonable.
(This is not me saying every single man is like this, this is purely on my life and my experiences)
