I’d pump out the MAGA merchandise. I’m talking grift of biblical proportions.

Would you like a cherry on top? After becoming America’s #1 purveyor, I’d go all out telling the world that I got rich suckering rubes.

Get that ADHD diagnosis a lot earlier!

Probably a several-way bet on trump winning a presidency, suggesting everyone inject themselves with bleach and then staging a coup, Britain shitting the bed, deciding to leave the EU, manifesting £60bn of debt and shocking the Queen to death, Russian war in Europe, a global pandemic killing millions getting turned into political football, the Taliban taking over Afghanistan again, several of the big names in 2016 dying, a trend of people wanting to eat laundry capsules & idk Alec Baldwin shooting someone.

I reckon a quid on that would net me enough to buy an island with a mansion on it

Fuck me, have we had a bad decade

I’d wait a couple of years and talk my ex-husband into keeping our house and renting it instead of selling it when we split up. It made sense at the time, since selling it was the fastest way to pay off all of our mutual debt (and most of our individual debt, too) and make it an easy split, but if we’d waited a few years, we would’ve made a solid 6 figure profit. I have no desire to be a landlord and mostly I’m glad we sold it to a nice family for what was still an affordable amount, but it would’ve been the only way I could ever afford to buy anything else on a single income, and it would’ve set him and his new wife up a lot better. I kind of hate the idea morally, but from a purely pragmatic view, it would’ve made sense.

Buy a lot of fertilizer, break into the set of The Apprentice.

Realistically, I would grieve the loss of my children, who would never be born if I didn’t line things up just right to cause them to happen again. I’d spend more time with my parents, who are getting along in the years, and I’d make the most of my time with them while they’re healthy and happy.

There are a few specifics where I’d try to get some loved ones out of trouble before some critical tipping point that would later cause a bunch of heartache and stress.

There are general things about money and politics I’d probably do differently, knowing about how stocks have performed and what not, but that’s not super interesting to me, because I’m mostly content in my personal life (including my career) and wouldn’t want to upset that balance by doing anything too different from what brought me here.

I would help myself become more confident, less anxious and a better person.

I know that sounds lame but that alone would be worth more than any stock tips to me.

Sending my mind back to the past is the wish I keep in my back pocket to blurt out if I see a falling star or meet a geanie.

Learn to play Bridge while my grandma is still alive.

PPE and Vaccine maker stocks, it’ll be 5 years to get the initial capital but once I’ve got it together, those are gonna explode in value on me.

I’d hesitate to switch my college of choice for the friends I’d lose out on, but if I did I would know where I’d try extra hard to get in instead. Def reconsidering the major I study though, the one I went with was sold to me as one of the best and turned out to be fucking useless trying to find any work.

Probably go seduce my wife as a stranger.

Harambe, whatever happens, dont try to play with a child, that does not go well

Since bitcoin is out, I’d buy all the Tesla stock I can.

Probably bitcoin and a couple other stocks I remember doing well.

Buy bitcoin, then eth when it’s released, then solana when it’s released. Sell at the top and start a cat sanctuary.

I would start drinking coffee a lot sooner. I’ve found that it has a remarkable effect on my cognitive ability (supposedly a common thing amongst ADHDers), and in 2014, I’d have benefitted massively from that.