Title says it all
- What’s brown and sticky?
- A stick
What’s blue and sticky?
The same stick when it holds its breath.
What’s brown and rymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre
An underage weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says “sorry, I can’t serve you alcohol, you’re too young”. The weasel replies that’s ok, I’ll drink something else. The bartender says “well I have water, soda pop, and cranberry juice, what’ll it be?”
“Pop!” goes the weasel
How do think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg.
What do you call an elephant that can only be accessed remotely?
Telephant
Yes, I’m a dad, how did you know?
Now the Dutch version:
Wat is groot, grijs en leeft in het riool?
- een rioolifant
The dumbest joke I know is a knock knock Joke and goes like this. You first have to make the person you’re telling the joke to start saying “knock knock”, then you you say, “who’s there?”.
Proceed to watch the other person confused about what to do next 😅
Usually, the most effective way is to say, “Wanna hear a knock knock joke?”
“Sure!”
“Okay, you start.”
Has about a 90% success rate.
That was a far better formulate of what I tried to say haha :)
I asked my North Korean friend how things are back at home.
He said he can’t complain.
Why did the farmer win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
I dipped my balls in glitter.
Pretty nuts, right?
Brian and Bob were walking through the forest when they came across a set of tracks.
“Those are cougar tracks!” Bob exclaimed.
“Hell, no! Those are coyote tracks.” Brain said.
“I’m tellin’ you, I’ve been out in these woods since I was little, and those are cougar tracks!”
“There’s no cougars in this part of the country. Those are coyote tracks!”
Then they both got hit by a train.
Skeleton walks into a bar Can I have a pint and a mop
A man walks into a bar and says “OUCH!”
A seal walks into a club…
Hey, as long as they’re of age, what a seal does in their free time is none of my concern.
I’ve got bad news for ya, it’s a baby seal
Thank God it’s not a baby shark.
Doo doo doo
Why did the orchestra get struck by lightning?
It was because they had an excellent conductor.
Why does the organ player only eat offal?
He’s an organist
If a threesome is with three people, and a foursome is with four, then i think i get why they call you handsome…
What’s long and brown and sticky?
A stick.
What’s brown, and rhymes with “Snoop?”
Dr. Dre.
Why does Snoop carry an umbrella?
For drizzle, m’nizzle.
How does Helen Keller know when she’s done wiping?
Taste test.
I’ve got tons of this shit for when we’ve got downtime at work.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
If it had four doors it’s be a chicken sedan.
Why do chicken lay eggs?
The eggs would break if they threw them.
Timing.
What is the most important aspect to remember when telling a joke?
