For the purpose of this question, the target age range is 20-30. Asking because I feel like I’m wasting my youth.
20 years ago I would have said invest regularly in an index fund.
Today I think you should learn all you can about DIY water filtration and growing edible mushrooms in caves.
Learn to cook!
It’s great fun if you can get into it, it fulfills one of your basic needs in a much more fun and satisfying way, and it can be a good and attractive quality in a future partner and / or fun to do with them.
So many people I know who after college ended up living on crap. At best they only knew how to boil pasta. I got a cookbook on my favorite cuisine at the time and started trying all sorts of recipes when I first lived on my own. I tell my wife “If you can follow instructions you can cook” and she said “I hate following instructions.” lol
Master your inner dialogue and emotions.
Practice speaking positively and rationally to yourself. Use affirmations, mantras, or visualisations for confidence, for forgiveness of yourself and others, relaxation, motivation.
If you ever feel like crying, it is important to cry hard and deep, and then it’s important to recover after with some kind of happy celebration, whether it’s playing or a treat, just something nice to help your body learn to get happy after being sad, angry, or scared.
Stop reaching for distractions when powerful emotions come on. Face the emotion. Study it with curiosity. Feel it fully. And comfort yourself positively until it passes.
Start down this road now. You don’t want to end up 40, done with school, done with your parents, done with your first couple of real jobs, and have no idea how to control yourself throughout the day.
Just want to back this one up: as someone rapidly approaching 40 who never loved himself, if anything absolutely loathes himself, repeating to yourself how absolutely horrible of a failure you are and how completely and utterly undeserving of anyone’s love you are daily will cement itself in your head as absolute fact.
I can no longer actually comprehend that I can do anything well. I’m either a complete failure, or if I did it literally anyone with 2 braincells can. I actually do not believe anyone who says otherwise, it has become an objective truth in my brain backed up by decades of “evidence.”
I’m sure there is much more evidence that this is not the case. You were probably raised in an environment with lots of shame and blame, I suspect, and so it’s hard to give yourself credit for the many, many things you have been successful.
Also, reframe your negative evidence. You’re not the same person anymore, for sure. Everyone makes mistakes and that’s how we learn, and it’s supposed to be uncomfortable. It also helps to remember that you are likely the only person thinking about this past evidence, and it’s okay for you to let it go, release it from your body and mind, and move on from it too.
When you feel yourself thinking negatively, go stand in front of a mirror, up on your toes, arms up high over head, bear your teeth, and growl at the mirror. You are a large and powerful predator, and seeing yourself as such will make it true.
Another good tip, when you’re feeling discomfort with memories, pause, and look around the room making sure to look over your shoulders, behind you on both sides. This is a trick to calm your brain down, take you out of fight or flight. You’re not in danger and the feelings of danger may have been helpful as a child, but you don’t need them anymore. You are a large and powerful predator now.
Forgive yourself and others but learn from those experiences. As a saying goes "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
This is really valuable advise. I’m 20 at this point, and (after therapy) I’m looking back and realizing now much self-acceptance and connection with your own emotion shape the way I perceive the world. I’m really glad that I started this young, and for people who live in a country where psychotherapy is covered by healthcare - there are usually offers of a short psychotherapy (in Germany it’s called Kurzzeitherapie, short-term therapy) which will in my opinion as a psychology student will benefit every person.
Travel on the cheap while you’re still willing to put up with it.
Seriously. Save up a couple thousand dollars. Go see stuff.
Make sure you have enough in your emergency fund to get home if you screw it up.
– Acquire new skills that will pay off in the long run.
– Build habits like exercising, eating well, and prioritizing mental health which can set you up for lifelong well-being.
– Build deep friendships, relationships, and connections. It’s the decade where many lifelong bonds are formed.
– Learn about budgeting, saving, investing, and managing credit. Financial literacy will greatly benefit you in the future.
– Failing in your twenties is part of growth. Embrace failure and learn from it.
– Focus on collecting experiences, such as concerts, festivals, road trips, or spontaneous adventures, rather than material goods. For memories, don’t collect shot glasses, you’ll regret it later.
– Learn to enjoy your own company, reflect on your goals, and become comfortable with solitude.
– Work on understanding your emotions, how to manage them, and how to empathize with others.
– Expand your mind with literature, self-development books, and works that challenge your worldview.
– Spend an extended period in another part of the world which can give you an appreciation for different cultures and provide life altering experiences.
– Learn how to prepare your own meals- a valuable life skill which can help you live healthier.
– Understand the importance of looking after your mental, physical, and emotional well-being.
—Spend time thinking about where you want to go in life, and set both short-term and long-term goals.
Take care of your body and keep it healthy. You have plenty of time to acquire habits helping that and slowly get rid of those damaging it - use that time before the issue is forced on you.
I tell people to keep an eye on their diet. Once you hit your early 20s that whole teen “I can eat a whole pizza and be fine” is gone. It is incredibly easy to go over your calorie needs in a week and after a year you’ve gained 2-3 lbs or more. Before you know it by 30 or 40 you are 50+ lbs over and obese and now you are struggling to lose it. It creeps up on you.
Learn a paid skill you can do with your hands. Welding, painting, HVAC, long-line fishing, building PC’s, anything. Get proficient.
You may never use it again. Hopefully you develop a skill-set that pays you better/is less physically demanding/is sexier.
But you will never starve and may be able to feed your family even if your primary occupation falls out of favor.
Don’t have kids.
Get away from tech on a regular basis. Allow yourself to be in your own thoughts occasionally. I think constantly being tied to phones and the internet is killing creativity because we never have those day dreaming moments that lead to inspiration.
Don’t spend huge chunks of your life on video games. They are a fun distraction but at the end of the day is it just bits on some server that could be shut down at any moment. Get off of the dopamine treadmill.
Roth IRA
Learn how to learn. Having the ability to look up things on the internet, watch YouTube videos, go to the library and find books, ask people for help and even show you how to do something. Most people are willing to teach others if you’re willing to learn.
I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it unless you feel comfortable with it but sometimes money is tight and it’s easier just to replace that 10$ part rather than call a repair guy. I’ve looked up how to replace a part on a water heater on the internet because it was cheap at Lowes and I didn’t want to pay weekends rates for the plumber.
Also learn how to do basic things like learn how to change the oil on your car, replace your belts and change a tire. You’ll save some money and feel good about being able to do these little things. Look for tools at yard sales and pawn shops if you don’t have a lot to spend on tools.
Get a service industry job to learn a healthy sense of misanthropy
Psychedelics.
Have sex with as many different attractive people as you can, using protection. You’ll understand when you’re older, feel older, and look older. It’s a window that doesn’t stay open.
“So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.”
- Tecumseh
