I am of the age to have kids, some of my friends have them, but I have mixed feelings about it, just wondering about other people’s experiences.
Have kids. The only regret is the world we brought them into. Wouldn’t trade them for anything. But we have many fears about their future. We still thought the world could be saved with recycling and buying efficient cars. Dubya was an anomaly. Things would return to their boring 1990’s progression. Not anymore.
Climate change is essentially unstoppable at this point, the only choices are how bad it will be. Politics globally seem to be shifting to right wing populism, nationalism, fascism. Good luck if your kids aren’t straight, white males. Economically the system stopped making sense. Worthless companies worth billions. Billionaires with private space programs. A new gilded age with widening disparity. Companies literally paying homage to the new “king” hoping for some kind of investiture or favor.
E: point being the world is pointed in an objectively worse direction.
I have a daughter. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Sounds corny as fuck, but it’s true. I don’t regret a thing. The first 3 years are tough, but also super cute. After that it’s a freaking miracle on 2 legs. Sometimes I think we should have had a second child shortly after but we already put in so much energy to set her up for life. I don’t think we could have extended that for another child. Turns out she’s neurodivergent, just like me. It takes a bit more effort raising someone like that, but it’s totally worth it.
I bet there are people here fuming at my post already because of climate change and whatnot. I believe humanity has faced way worse and yet we’re still here. If there is a meaning to life, it is going to be survival. Can’t survive without procreation.
We wanted kids, tried to have kids, but things never seemed to work out. So I went to see my doctor and they ran some tests. First test we found I had no sperm, so they did more tests, turns out I barely have any testosterone at all, but absolutely tons of estrogen. More tests, this time a genetic one. Turns out I have kleinfelter syndrome, which if caught early enough there are things that can be done. But at my age that boat has long since sailed.
It’s been an interesting couple of years. I started TRT injections at the beginning of the year. And my life has taken a complete 180, turns out you really need testosterone for alot of things. And your body reacts kinda funny without it.
Adoption seems our only choice, but she doesn’t want a kid if it’s not hers. So… Yea
That makes me wonder, how did it influence your life? Ive never heard of what a lack of testosterone can do
Well the main thing it did to me was give me crippling depression. No one over the course of my life could ever figure out why I was depressed. “It runs in the family” was the excuse. My depression disappeared after the first injection. Everyday of my life I felt like there was a force pushing down on me, and then shortly after my shot it went away and it took me awhile to realize it was gone. That was a good day.
I couldn’t lose weight no matter what I did, spent thousands on personal training over the years but I could never gain muscle, or lose the weight I gained. I was a 58 waist in Feb, and I’m currently down to 44 in not even a year. Last time I went to the big and tall store they said they’ve seen me enough this year and we switched to elastic waist pants and a stretch belt so I don’t keep having to buy clothes every 3 months.
I never had any body hair. I would have to shave once a week before. I have hair everywhere now and it’s weird.
Lots of other things, zero libido. I was dating my wife and she got exasperated about my disinterest in sex, it was a chore for me. I’d be the one coming up with excuses not to have sex.
Oh damn, thanks for the reply! That was an interesting read and very good to know, thanks for sharing!
Didnt know it had that much effect on the human body!
Also happy to hear you got better!
no kids, do not want kids. I can hear the feral beast within my soul howling for mortal progeny to raise, but you can actually just set that to mute. its really easy
I can’t reach the mute button, managed to get the volume just low enough I can only hear it in the quiet times.
I do not have kids.
I do not want kids.
I do not regret it.To be fair, I get the perspective makes sense from a biological/evolutionary perspective. But if I had to understand intuitively or from how I feel, I don’t get why anyone would want kids.
I do not have kids. I do not want kids. I do not regret it.
Would you like them in a house? Would you like them with a mouse?
I don’t have kids, but very much want them. But for a number of reasons, it’s just not going to happen in my life and I’ve made my peace with that.
Firstly, I am a trans woman married to another trans woman. Quite happily! So obviously our only option would be adoption, however due to a chronic medical complications I’m currently using a wheelchair full time without any clear indication if that will ever change. I’m in constant pain that makes any sort of mobility difficult so very often I don’t leave the couch. So while it is possible for us to start the expensive and lengthy foster parent system, there is no guarantees I would physically be able to help my wife with child raising. And since she is also our sole income, I can’t also expect her to work full-time AND do transportation, logistics and day to day child care while I am bedridden. Especially when my wife has said that her life is complete without children.
I take solace in the fact that our hormone replacement has likely made us sterile. That’s often not the case completely, but for my own emotional well being, I assume it’s a certainty so I don’t think about surrogates.
Part of having a disability is grieving the loss of your old life and old expectations, while coming to terms with a new life along with new goals. This is a touchy subject with a lot of complex feelings, but I want to thank you OP for promoting the question and allowing me to talk.
I hope you can overcome the parts of your sickness that keep you more immobile, but otherwise it sounds like you’re in a healthy relationship and state of mind, which, with or without kids, is still key for a happy life.
Thank you for sharing.
58 and without kids, no regrets so far
Waht I regret pf having kids is my financial situation and who I had kids with. I should have chosen better but I was stupid and naive back in the day…
No kids, no regrets, at 34. Life is already stressful enough with instability around housing and long-term career prospects (what with AI affecting jobs and such). With kids in the picture, I feel like that anxiety would just be ten times worse.
I do want kids. I’m getting up there in age though, and I’ve been single for a while. The man I thought I’d be having kids with turned out not to be the right one, and dating is hard now
I think I’ll be very sad if I end up without any kids, but I’m not willing to have them with just anyone.
I have 1 year old twins.
It’s been a tough road all the way along. Years of IVF, complex and stressful pregnancy, some serious health issues at first. Everyone fit and well now.
It’s kind of odd to be asked whether I regret anything. Like do I regret having an arm, or do I regret that the world is round.
I will say that it’s a genuine privilege to be involved in their lives every day and to be with them when they experience things.
Yes, I have kids. No regrets. It definitely gave me a different perspective on life in ways that I could never had experienced in any other way.
No one is ever fully ready for it. It’s not comparable to anything else, so it’s basically impossible to reach the decision to have children in any logical way. It’s a leap of faith. I thought of it as something that I had to do in order to experience as much of life as I can while I can. It’s been well worth any amount ofmoney or time that I’ve spent on it. I’d do it again if I was ten years younger.
I have one kid. Don’t really want a second one. No fucking regrets he’s a swell dude, he’s smart as fuck and has a gentle heart that just warms my soul. Also thanks to modern schooling he’s got some amazing psychological skills like identifying his and others’ emotions, processing them before reacting, etc… Coming from a stupid family that’s shit i learned to do in my 30s and he was already working on it at 3. That’s stuff he won’t need to power through with weed and alcohol in his 20s i guess.
Sure the world is considerably more shit now than it was when he was born, which is dumb because he’s only 6. But hey the world was shit before and every time period brings its own brand of anxiety and uncertainty. With kids you learn to take things day by day and not dwell so much on what you don’t control. You have to accept the universe on its own terms, that’s the whole point of psychological and philosophical integration after all.
This.
I’m a woman, and absolutely not. This world isn’t going to be viable or have any positives for non-rich-as-fuck people, and I certainly can’t give that to a baby. There isn’t any more point to procreate - humans made sure of it.
As you seem curious about the opinion of others I suggest reading research literature on the topic as it is probably better structured than a list of anecdotes from complete strangers. That being said in here at least you can dig deeper by asking questions back.
Anyway there is a field called the science of happiness that aggregates research in psychology, cognitive science, behavior science, economy, political economy, etc on what makes most people happy. Within this there are papers on relationships, family and raising kids. I warmly suggest reading on the topic. Last time I did read on it, which was a bit more than 5 years ago, one could roughly summarize that raising children brings for most people higher highs and lower lows. If your kid brings you a beautiful drawing from school, no matter how “ugly” it might look, you will be so proud it will brighten your day. On the other hand if they break their leg while cycling, you will feel even worst that if you broke your own leg. So… on average people feel about as happy with and without kids BUT the way they feel can be more intense.
I warmly recommend https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/ and https://www.drlauriesantos.com/happiness-lab-with-dr-laurie-santos-podcast to discover more on the topic. Specifically in your case https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/parenting_family
