When basically all dating apps are owned by the same company (Match Group), you get enshittification of all of them.
Their goal is to get repeat customers, which is the polar opposite of what people actually want from these types of apps.
I’m an old so I remember dating apps before smartphones. People with physical keyboards wrote long messages, like emails and letters. You could really get to know someone’s personality. This worked well for me because my sense of humor is absurdist and you need to know my values to know that I’m joking when I say something off-beat.
That just doesn’t work over short text message-style comms. So I can’t be funny. I can’t make a joke about voting for a terrible policy if I have to explain that it’s a joke because that’s not funny. But if I’ve revealed to you a bunch of things that matter to me and then claim to want the opposite, you know I’m being sarcastic and it’s fine. Oh well. I’m lucky enough to be in a great relationship despite the dating apps sucking much worse now.
Then there are the articles about how dating apps have deliberately made themselves worse to keep people paying for subscriptions… I’ve seen at least one and I’ve heard people talk about this on a podcast, I think. I may be misremembering. I consume a lot of media about how much capitalism and humanity create worse and worse systems.
Good luck to anyone who’s searching. I got your back.
Idk, my step dad met my mom in the 90s by taking out a personal ad in the paper. It said, in full (minus A/S/L and contact info):
“Can’t dance, won’t cook, never had a job. Frog seeks princess.”
He was a resteraunt manager back then, idk if he can dance tho… probably not. So it can be done in a text-length message. It’s rare to find a good match that way though (and they weren’t!), because it’s very little to go on.
Dating apps are a fucking shit show.
I was on Tinder, Bumble and Hinge for the last 6 months.
I was genuinely trying to put my best foot forward, be kind, genuine and actually wanted to meet someone. I’m kinda sick of being single after breaking up from a long term relationship last year.
I tried every strategy and technique.
More info on my profile / Less info on my profile. More group pics/ more pics of just me. Being funnier / being more sincere.
I even paid for Tinder plus and Bumble plus.
Did I get a single date from any of these apps? Nope. But I did get ghosted. Unmatched. Ignored. Etc etc countless fucking times.
It absolutely fucked my mental health. My brain is in a good place now after a long time with trying different medications and therapy etc. I like the person I am. I know I have a lot to offer in a relationship. But fuck if my self esteem and mental state didn’t take a nosedive after being on these apps. Putting so much time and effort into presenting yourself as well as you can, putting best foot forward etc and getting zero interest back, it really makes you question who you are and even your value as person.
I fucking hate it.
So yeah, I’m still single. I don’t see that changing any time soon.
For context btw, I’m 189cm / 6’2" tall, 100KG / 220lbs, healthy, active guy in my twenties. I’m in a comp sci college course. I drive, have an income, savings, go to the gym 4 times a week etc In other words, I tick enough boxes/ do all the things, that are supposed to help find a match on these apps. But even with all that said, 6 months and zero dates. I don’t even know anymore. I deleted my accounts on these the other day and I advise others to do the same. The chances of you actually finding someone you like and have chemistry with is basically zero at this stage. Plus the enshitification is rife. They push the premium subscriptions so fucking hard but in the end, they don’t help you find matches or dates. It’s worth noting that Tinder wants to keep you on the app. You deleting it after finding love is bad for business as far as they are concerned. I just wish more people would realize this.
Anyway, sorry for the long post, thanks for coming to my Ted talk.
Did I get a single date from any of these apps? Nope. But I did get ghosted. Unmatched. Ignored. Etc etc countless fucking times.
Food digging: When restaurants use fake dating profiles to get customers through the door
The idea is to organise a “date” with a victim who then gets stood up but inevitably ends up buying something at the restaurant anyway.
Thanks for sharing your experience!! I really appreciate the long genuine post. There’s a lot everyone can learn from your experience.
I agree. My mental health takes huge nose dives when I use dating apps. I’ve had great experience IRL and even use friends and their partners sometimes to curate messages so that I know I’m not fucking up. My longest streak was 16 dates consecutively of being stood up. Each was a different woman, no repeat dates or responses after being stood up. Man does it blow. The rejection just happens so frequently and in rapid succession that I can’t stand it.
I also tick a lot of boxes that people present on those apps but for whatever reason my luck is pretty piss. Usually if I actually manage a date we end up at least seeing each other for some time but getting to that point seems nigh impossible through the apps
Job sites make money when you get a job. Companies pay a lot to get staffing vacancies filled. Recruiters and agencies cost a lot, so an online job board can literally get thousands of dollars sometimes for helping g facilitate a hire. This is how it should be.
But with dating sites, it does not work this way. There is no deep-pocketed business customer willing to pay a lot for making a match. Just two people with subscriptions, and that’s the company’s entire revenue.
I highly doubt that dating sites consciously try to prevent you from finding a mate because this will earn them more money. But I have to admit that the incentive structure is unhealthy.
This is how it should be.
It sets up a kind of moral hazard in the same way dating sites do. Which is to say, it creates an incentive for churn. Yes, I want you to get matched with an employer/partner, but no I don’t want that match to be permanent. I want it to last some period of time, before I reach out and lure you on to another pairing.
I highly doubt that dating sites consciously try to prevent you from finding a mate because this will earn them more money.
Both recruiting sites and dating sites are constantly trying to engage your attention with tempting offers to switch to someone new. This is because they generate money based on short-term placements rather than long-term matches.
The ideal form of recruiter is functionally just a temp agency. Similarly, the ideal form of dating site is just an online brothel. Different time scale but functionally the same game.
Having faced similar rejection stats in both, can confirm, and in fact I pointed this out to a relative of mine who works in hiring assistance.
She was at least able to assure me that my resume and interview were not the problem, but honestly I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse, I know it isn’t me, but now I also know there’s literally nothing I can do to beat the trend.
A job that possibly provides you with a sex buddy and/or life partner.
Someone’s not having special meetings with their boss
