As a father, love your child, accept your child, and above all listen to your child.

This thread already has so much great advice that it made me a bit teary eyed reading it. I don’t know if I can contribute much but I’ll try.

• 90% of parenting is just showing up. Your physical, mental, and emotional presents will mean far more to them than anything else. That’s what will make them feel valued and loved.
• Fuck gender norms. Regardless of if your child wants to learn to sew, fix engines, or both, embrace it, encourage them, and be there with them every step of the way.
• They don’t really have any perspective on things so small things to you are huge things to them. Don’t just dismiss their feelings.
• like everyone else said, listen to them. Like really listen every time.
• Don’t over think it. If you’re asking these questions, your head and heart are already in the right place. Trust yourself.

So much nice advice here. I’m turning 30 this month and my dad and I continue to be very close. Top things I’m grateful for about my dad:

My dad is always lifting me up, but he did not and does not give me empty praise. He to this day gives me compliments about specific things he notices, which is amazing for my self esteem. Some examples: While I was cleaning the other day and kind of barking directions : “I love it when you get in the zone like this. It’s like you can accomplish anything” or “that’s something I have always been in awe of about you; you somehow know when people are down and figure out a way to lift them up. You’re very intuitive about it.” Or during a long day of hard work, " you’re like a machine! You’re incredible. Do you need anything?" Complimenting every little thing will just make her not trust your compliments. Being specific and accurate in your praise will help her feel truly good about herself and also strengthen your bond.

Idk what it’s like if it’s a step daughter and not a bio daughter but my dad would take me out. We never called it daddy daughter dates or anything (ew) but he would take me to dinner and a movie, or buy me flowers, or stop for coffee or ice cream at local shops. If we had to go somewhere for work or to pick up something for a home project he’d just stop at a bookstore and say this place looks cool, want to procrastinate a little in here with me? I know he loves to spend real time with me and he’s always opening me up to new places/hobbies

MOST IMPORTANTLY: my dad adores and dotes on my mom. There is nothing he won’t do for her. He will help her with the same problem a hundred times. He will make her coffee just the way she likes it every morning. He spoils her, he relies on her, he treats her like he is lucky to be around her, and that helps me to know exactly how I should be treated. I don’t allow anyone to mistreat me, not partners, not coworkers, not friends or in-laws. I know what a healthy relationship looks like, and I know what a partnership of respect and love looks like. My parents argue in front of me, sure, but I never ever doubt how much they love each other.

Did his share of the housework. My dad didn’t know how to cook well, but you bet your butt he did laundry, vacuumed, dusted, washed dishes, whatever was needed around the house he did it. And he did cook at least once a week, although it was always stuff like grilled cheese or pancakes.

Growing up in a household where both parents put in equal effort at home really set up the expectation for me that this is how relationships work.

My dad was also very loving and openly affectionate to us all. He would give us hugs, tell us he loved us and how proud of us he is, even to the point of tearing up sometimes. I love that about him and see it as an admirable quality in men.

Girls learn what to expect from men based on what they see their fathers do. Be kind, gentle, and respect your daughter and that’s the kind of men she’ll surround herself with.

I don’t have much positive examples, but I suppose we can learn from mistakes. Alright, here goes …

• You just created a new human. This human to a certain degree takes precedence now. Plan accordingly, don’t move every 2 years, give her a chance to grow with her environment. (I can explain this is detail if needed.)
• If your kids cries, it’s probably not because it’s an evil manipulator. It does not need to be told to be tough.
• If your kid consistently gets sick when she has to go to school, don’t just send her anyway, check if there’s a reason.
• Be curious! When she says or does something you don’t understand, ask. Be open about the answer and don’t judge what you hear.
• Be on her side. If you’re taking a different position, explain the why and how.
• Clean up together, involve her, be a part of it! Show her that men have a part to play in household stuff, teach her that it can be fun to live in a tidy, clean, beautiful space.
• Your child is not part of fights with your wife. If you want to go to Hawaii and your wife wants Canada, your kid will not be the one to decide.
• Don’t make jokes about or be ironic with a kid. A 14 year old is still a kid, a 16yo is still a kid. Kids are very vulnerable and you’re teaching them, that they can’t trust you with stuff. Particularly when it comes to love/gender/sex/periods, just don’t act like it’s funny.
• Do not comment body shape, not hers, not others, not in general. You have a type? Good for you, but that isn’t for your daughter to know or consider. If you like petite dark haired women but your daughter is tall and blonde, she will understand this as her not being pretty enough. No matter how pretty she is or if your wife is just as tall and blonde. Sentences like “All xy-women eventually turn into square shape, it’s just how that demographic works” are shitty without you telling this to your kid.
• She likes a boy band? Great, you can drive her to the gig and pick her up later!
• She reads teenager magazines because she’s a teenager, maybe you want to hear her opinion on this stuff. She certainly doesn’t need any condescending attitude though.
• Maybe sometimes children need to be humbled, but many times life will do that on its own. Consider your own vulnerabilities, before putting them in their place. What they said may sound arrogant, but still be true for their situation.
• Whatever she wants to do or create: Be supportive! She does not need to be a child genius and you don’t need to tell her, that she’s not Picasso.
• “There will only be boys there, are you sure that’s what you want to do?” is not in your vocabulary.
• When she picks a study subject, maybe don’t point out that this may be too hard for her. Help her prepare instead!

You can do this! My list is very long, but ultimately simple: If you lean into your own vulnerabilities and share this with her, a lot of these things will happen on their own. Be open and curious. You can’t teach her everything, she’ll have to fall on her face by herself. Be there to pick her up afterwards and just keep that up.

My dad is arguably not the best dad in many ways, but he taught me a solid work ethic, and most importantly, called 911 when I was attacked by my husband. The best thing a dad can do is teach his daughter how she should be treated by men.

Don’t be afriad to involve her in your stuff, even if it’s boy stuff. My dad taught me how to fix cars, wilderness survival, how to shoot guns, how to fix stuff, it didn’t matter that I was a girl, if I was interested he’d show me. I didn’t care that this was boy stuff, I just liked that I was helping dad.

With the bonus payoff of me being a rather handy cabable adult too! Although he did his fair share of playing Barbie and tea party as well.

She might not like all of your hobbies (I never liked fishing) but give it a shot! Don’t be afraid just bc some stuck up parents would be agast she’s learning to change the oil in the car.

My dad told me to eat salads and lose weight when I was a little kid. I will never forget. Please don’t shame her, weight and appearances are so touchy but criticizing every bite I ate only fucked me up. I was chubby, I still consider myself the same proportional level of chubby as when I was a kid. I have yoyo dieted my whole life and when I see him I still just push food around my plate.

The one great thing I remember about my childhood was driving long distances the two of us. He would often need to drive a few hours out of town to pick stuff up for work, and I would sit in the passengers seat with one of those huge map books and I would navigate us there. It was a ton of fun just doing mini road trips once or twice a month.

I also went to conventions related to his profession, the topic was boring but conventions of any type inevitably have loads of candy dishes. Just doing things together the two of us felt special.

By asking this question you’re already ahead.

Be your genuine self. Share your wisdom. Love your child.

I am a woman whose father was an abusive narcissist, the list of what I needed and didn’t get is depressing to say the least. So I’ll boil it down to its essence: Be there when needed. Remember she is her own person, not an extension of you. Try to make her life better than your own. Let your love be unconditional. It may not be helpful advice, but it’s all I got for ya.

Ignore the vagina, treat that kid like the tiny human they are. Do the same things you would do if they had a penis, the world is sexist enough. And I’ll add a quote from the best of the Stars :

And just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside doesn’t mean I can’t handle whatever you can handle.

You’ll be the template for “man” so you need to be the man you want your daughter to have in her life. Important things like handling strong emotions, never overpowering her with your strength, and that kind of thing.

I’m sorry I can’t contribute much, but as a fairly recent father to an amazing 3yo daughter, I’ll be following along!

Stand up to other men when they say or do shitty things. My dad was mostly a pretty good feminist and advocate and I know he believed I could do just about anything I set my mind to, but there were times when family members would say some really crappy things and he just kind of stood by for the sake of keeping the peace. I never shut my mouth in those instances, but it would’ve meant a lot if my dad had spoken up. I’m not saying it has to be a whole fight or anything, but even saying, “Hey, not cool,” helps. It shows that your support isn’t just lip service.

One of the skills my dad taught me that I’ve been the most grateful for over the years that is generally considered a "male "skill is to take things apart and use tools to fix them. My dad has two daughters, so he showed us how to do the stuff he loved. Power tools, electrical work, not being afraid to take out the screw and see how it works and if you can fix it. Not as many things are simply mechanical as they were in the 90’s, but it taught me to be curious and unafraid of exploration and capable in a way that continually surprises the people around me.