Damn it’s sad that this post even exists. I hope things get better for you chief.

Shoplift food until you get caught and go to jail.

If you get caught without going to jail just keep shoplifting, at least you’ll always have food.

Go to Walmart. Eat whatever you want. Sleep there

If they call the cops on you because of theft or trespassing, there ya go.

Bonus points if you find a way to do this without getting caught and live there a while.

Or start a Tiktok account and a go fund me, and tell your story on TT. Sometimes you can reach the right person near you to do something

I saw a video where a guy “robbed” a bank of $1, with a “gun” that was actually a snickers bar. Then sat in the lobby and waited for the cops.

That seems like a good way to rob a bank, which is a federal crime, while not hurting anyone. And the tellers would even be able to figure out whats going on.

There was an old guy a couple decades ago that walked into a bank and handed the teller a note that said “This is a robbery. Give me one dollar!”. Then he went and sat down and waited for the cops. If memory serves, he did it because he needed some dental work and couldn’t afford it.

Commit a white collar federal crime. Cushy prison conditions.

Jail can be incredibly expensive!

Anything drug related.

If you grow a few mushrooms they can charge you with manufacture and give you like 10 to 20 years.

As a form of protest, you could try to trespass into the white house in an obvious way. That would definitely get you jail time and maybe a GoFundMe. I figure if you have a sign, they won’t shoot you.

I feel icky responding to this because it highlights how shitty society is at taking care of our less fortunate, but if I was inclined to get myself into jail I would probably start with shoplifting the things I need to survive like food, camping supplies, etc. Very low risk of violence and if I don’t get caught, hey I’m better off.

Eventually I’d get caught. Then I can just keep not showing up for court and shoplifting food. Eventually I’ll get thrown in jail and when released I start all over. After enough times I’d graduate from county jail to prison.

I’m not recommending this course of action, but it’s probably what I’d do if that was my goal. Nobody gets hurt.

Walk into a police station and state you just killed someone. They will lock you up, just be coy about who and where the body is and they will keep you locked up, maybe. If you want out just recant and say you just wanted some shelter. Without a body or a crime scene you will be free to go. IANAL or a cop so I could be 100% wrong in my scheme.

I think you’d definitely want a federal minimum security camp. Think more along the lines of mail fraud or some other white collar crime.

If you are set on this, then do crimes that, if successful, would improve your life.

Steal billions of dollars from bad corporations. Steal food to live, trespass to be in shelter.

Personally, I would try to go to the cheapest town and get on benefits. Each state has a really cheap place to exist. There are usually no jobs, but often friendly people.

Sorry about your situation. You bring up a good point. Our economy and gov is so shit about housing, that it actually does make sense to commit a crime to have a place to stay. I’m guessing, it would be better to commit some kind of non-violent white collar crime? I don’t know. I’m not a lawyer. This just sucks. Sorry. 😔

If you went to sweden and made some enough bad crime, you’d get ss and food and shelter til they figure out how to ship you back.

Ot find a european soulmate to marry!