Not actually a shower thought; this occurred while waiting in line to cross the border from Canada back to the US. In fact, I had a double “I told you so” for my wife in that line, and she clearly knew it. The past 3 years we’ve visited my wife’s parents over the holidays but I’ve always said I want to get back across the border before New Year’s Day in part because traffic would be better, but this year with the dates she convinced me and insisted we never have to wait at Champlain so it would be fine. As we approached the border and message signs announced waits exceeding an hour I had my first one. Then as we were waiting in line I noticed there was basically no line for the NEXUS lane, which I’ve been pushing for years but she felt we didn’t need because the application sounded complicated and “we never have to wait” at border crossings.
Second best: telling your former boss to do a full rip and replace of their ERP system (they didn’t, bad things happened) and now they’ve hired you as a consultant to advise on the implemention if the new ERP system at $20k/month.
I’m going to guess erp doesn’t mean “erotic role play” here but maybe you had a niche job.
Enterprise resource planning. No too much erotic about it. Probably for the best…
If you don’t find resource planning on an enterprise level erotic then I don’t know what’s wrong with me
…it is still role playing :)
Help! I got stuck in a spreadsheet and can’t get out.
OOF, cheers and well done homie! That’s delicious.
Offered to take my adult kids to the beach -we will rent a pet-friendly house that’s big enough for everyone if you get your dog fixed before we go; we don’t want to be dealing with dog in heat at a beach house.
We booked the house. The dog did not get fixed. They came anyway but left a day early because…yep, the dog went into heat.
About an hour after they left, son called - “Wow! That immigration checkpoint was not as quick and easy as you described it!”
Apparently, standing on the side of the road with a pocketful of weed while your wife holds the dog and feds search your car can be unsettling.
“Sir, do you know why our dog alerted on your car?”
the dog went into heat.
“Sir, do you know why our dog alerted on your car?”
Welp, time to start a smuggling ring.
Your dog did what on my car???
He made the ❗sound from Metal Gear Solid
deleted by creator
The worst ones are when they say “I told you so, but what am I?”
That’s not even the right PHRASE!
I love botched idioms so much. “It’s not rocket surgery” is my go to, but the best ones are unintentional (and completely torture the original).
Best I’ve heard lately was on the air, local NPR affiliate, and the unfortunate lass said something, complimenting I think a film director, saying “He’s hitting all cylinders at just the very top level”.
(The original is “firing on all cylinders”, which just describes an internal combustion engine working properly and not suffering from that particular degradation, cylinders misfiring. Hitting them, anywhere, let alone “at the top level”, is utter nonsense and it was delightful to me, she flat out abused that idiom)
Edit to add: some related favs which aren’t quite botched idioms but which kinda “rhyme” with the idea - both meaning “okay, time to get the thing done”:
- “let’s kick this puppy” (given to me by a particularly influential teacher)
- “let’s shake this baby” (my own personal creation, occurred to me while getting my kiddo ready for one thing or another)
- (these having the same flow as e.g. “let’s knock this out”, “let’s blow this taco stand”, etc.)
ENTIRELY possible that this exact line is what sent me down the path of noticing and loving tortured idioms. And I forgot all about it, so thanks!!
My favorite recently was when a friend said, “Reap the fruit of my loins”.
So, like, labor and delivery?
You would love some of the “Fick-isms” from the Arisen book series.
“Hey! If you put your dirty dick beaters on her again I’m gonna light you on fire and put it out with a fork!”
Color me intrigued!
Its a zombie apocalypse book series following the last of the spec ops operators in the world as they hit hot zones and try to piece together the elements of the cure the world was working on before everywhere but the UK was overrun.
The Audiobook is particularly good.
Worst-case ontario
Passed with flying carpets
It’s not rocket appliances
It’s just water outta the fridge
Delicious. That last one especially, scrolls right off the tongue.
Feels like something Ricky from Trailer Park Boys would deliver.
I thought gloating was the whole point tho.
Wait is this sarcasm or not…
having to wait 1h at border is a lot? you’d perish in eastern europe
Wait, what? People wait at the border?
Normally, you just drive through without thinking about it. Later, you realize from the traffic signs that you must already be in the other country, and you missed the border again.
i mean external schengen zone border
Oh, outside civilization…
I realized I’d inadvertently crossed into Switzerland due to a wrong turn when my rental car’s navigation system alerted me to the fact. Whoops.
Papers, please.
