E: Da Rules
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The teleportation can only be used to move you.
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Your clothes and basic personal items (the things you take with you everytime you leave the house) will teleport with you, but nothing else.
The International Space Station. The sheer confusion value would be amazing, particularly if I stayed quiet about how it happened (“I went to bed, then woke up floating here. I’ve no clue how it happened”).
I would get to cause a major incident of complete chaos, with little to no harm. I would get to experience space and weightlessness. I would also get a near guaranteed lift home (eventually). There’s also almost no way it could be kept quiet, so I get to be a minor celebrity for a while.
This has the possible downside of you being dissected for the benefit of science. One human life for the possibility of discovering the ability to teleport? The astronauts/cosmonauts on the ISS would know about you, but you’d never make the news.
Scientists are not good at keeping secrets, particularly not of this level. Also, the ISS is remarkably public. It would be obvious they were hiding something, at the very least.
Would I expect to spend some time “volunteering” in a research lab, more than likely. I doubt it would get to dissection level. The risk/cost would be low enough that I would take it.
Yeah many of the transmissions to the space station are public. This would go viral before anyone “higher up” could have a chance to squash it.
That’s also before accounting for the various ground scientists who would rapidly become aware through the private channels. Someone appearing on the ISS would leak beyond containment before anyone could think to cut phone communications, let alone implement it.
“Hey some guy just showed up here and no one knows about it.”
“Cool, lets put him out the airlock and see if he freezes like in that movie”
Not too bad of a downside. I’d have myself dissected if it meant people I cared about would have a chance at figuring out teleportation.
with little to no harm
Not sure how resource allocation works and how quickly you could be sent back to earth but someone may have to be sacrificed.
There’s always an excess of resources, just in case of spacecraft failure.
There are actually already extra crew up there from the recent Boeing failure.
SpaceX would definitely benefit from having to come get you, since they’re the only launch company with a good track record, and spare capacity. (Unless you’re Russian, which means you’d probably be shot and stuffed in the garbage section of Soyuz)
Compared to telefragging someone on live tv? Also, on the balance, the media coverage would likely help knock loose some more funding for NASA, if only to try and figure out what the f*** happened.
There are always escape capsules onboard so they could probably just set them down to earth if that happens.
I would be more worried about something that is entirely untrained being up there for extended periods of time.
SPAAAAAACE!
I send Elon Musk to Mars.
Rule 1
Telefrag Elon Musk, then. His exact position. Assuming this turns him into a fine red mist and we don’t just have the real-world version of “clipping errors” whereby we are both annihilated or merged in some horrible way.
I think the latter would work too.
For you, maybe, not for me.
:3
Jesus Christ it’s a lion, get in the car!
Lol this is the first time i thought of telefragging outside of a game and the rare time outside of Unreal Tournament
Well that wasn’t there when I posted. Who’s coming up with these rules to save Phoney Stark?
OP I would presume.
You’re right that would rule.
Ha
I’d say a collapsing star would be a better option
The Martians deserve him
That’s 2 teleportations:(
I’m not bringing him back and I’m sure as shit not going with him…
Whatever the biggest televised event is in the next twenty four hours. I’m going to materialize naked live in air screaming “the end is nigh unless we repent” and then go into a list of ecological and social reforms.
Announce you’re a time traveler sent back…
“The rapture started and I was sent back here, God really wants us to stop using fossil fuels”
Planet saved for now but at the cost of giving rise to believes of christian fundamentalists.
I’d rather have the planet slowly cooked still, tyvm.
I’d do the opposite. Crash the biggest event I can find with ample media coverage, grab a mic, explain that I’m projecting myself backward through time from 200 years from now, and that I don’t have much time, and now is when it all goes wrong. To save everyone we need to
[Teleport to my living room]
I’m kidding, of course. I’d probably just waste it on something dumb(er).
I can already hear “The mainstream media is playing tricks on us to keep us from enjoying ourselves by [insert any dumb shit like rolling coal or something]“
Odd train of thought: what would the rolling coal equivalent be for an EV? Just wasting fuel for something that looks cool… So high voltage discharge under the car shooting lightning bolts? That actually sounds kinda cool, now that I think about it, but it is wasteful.
Teleport myself into Putin to do the world a favour
Imagine being the one who has to explain that Putin died when another person burst forth from his body like an alien.
“Look, nobody’s going to believe I just materialized here as opposed to evading your security check. How about we work together on getting out of here by blaming Gerasimov or Shoigu?”
Would it be like a chest burster alien, or more like what Neo did to Agent Smith?
The Fly.
Telefrag from Unreal Tournament
Asking the important questions!
People would assume you used some sort of weird explosive
to an alternate universe where magic is real and big titty anime girls want to form a party with me.
I chose this dude’s spawnpoint
OP’s mom? Classic choice
I also chose this guy’s wife.
onii chan!
notice me senpai!!!
You have been noticed, and found wanting.
So, you want to be an isekai protagonist. Understandable, me too!
Wait, I’ll help you with that. Just let me get the keys for the truck.
You’re Truck-kun’s handler?! Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to help me. Let me just wipe out my browsing history as well as all my storage here and I’ll be with you shortly.
Into the studio of some live tv programme, so it’s caught on camera by a neutral party. Without teleportation to get back, there are no really cool or useful places I want to go to in the next 24 hours. So I might as well try to make some cash out of interviews and stuff.
Smart.
Lol better than my choice of “well if I can’t teleport back I might as well just use it to go to the store near my house”
Right next to Vladimir Putin. Only wish I carried a gun or knife or something but we’re about to find out if an obese middle aged man can strangle to death an elderly Russian. Actually, let’s make it interesting, drop me maybe 10-15 ft above his head.
I know there are probably better things or at least less suicidal things i could do but it’s a chance to give my life meaning and the best I could think of.
Just teleport inside him then. Telefrag his ass.
If that works i guess. I’d hate there to be anti-clipping or something.
Oh my God I fucking miss Unreal Tournament. Modern epic games sucks so so much.
Actually, let’s make it interesting, drop me maybe 10-15 ft above his head.
I would predict success, martyrdom (75% chance) and impressive headlines. :D
If you could convince his bodyguards that the main computer of an alien spaceship sent you as a sick joke to prevent nuclear war, they might spare you for bargaining. Whether you’d be spared long enough for revolution to happen and get home - not sure.
As a practising anarchist, I would also volunteer, my everyday items even include several cans of pepper spray, a multitool and a heavy laptop with a detachable battery (to commit some battery).
Wish fulfilled and you get teleported between two floors and your just stuck like Robin Williams in Jumanji
Username checks out
To a place where there are plenty of crumbs.
What… what do you do with the crumbs?
Probably grabs them, like the dirty little crumbgrabber he is.
I am slowly using them to build a dyson sphere
How did that lawsuit between you and American cartoonist Robert Crumb turn out?
He has bequeathed his fortune to me under extreme duress.
I’d assume a cannonball shape and teleport myself into the body of any living murderous dictator (you can pick). I assume the sudden materialization of a 6’ tall, 200 lb human inside another human’s viscera would be a bit like swallowing a bomb. Even if it’s more a case of chimeric horror, the result is the same so I’m OK with it.
Aiming for a theocratic regime would let you swing into “I am your God now” territory.
- Put on gorilla suit
- Teleport to the ISS for the second time
If there’s no return option then I probably wouldn’t use it. Maybe just to get to the shops or something and then walk back.
The US house of representatives, just to say “I bring a dire warning from the future”
(they don’t realize you mean Brazilian time zone)
Into the core of the Sun. With the pressure and temperature I guess it will kill me before I can notice. A quick, painless, and rather unique way to die.
Cause of death: “Crushed and burned by Sun’s core”What?
Who’d know?
The guy running this simulation
My mom lives three large states away and has Alzheimer’s but is still able to recognize people. She’s well cared for, but I’m sole caregiver for my bedbound family member. I’m reconciled to the fact I cannot travel to visit her, but if I could go for just half an hour, even just one hug, I would.
Edit: Oh, one way only? Nvm.
Without a return trip, that’s pretty useless.
With one, this just becomes a normal “Where would you teleport to?” post 🤷
